Ze jellyfish bids adieu!

My beloved readers and fellow bloggers,

I have decided that this will be my final entry. Yes, I will officially stop blogging. It had been a year and a couple of months, and believe me it had been fun sharing out my thoughts with you. Thanks for your lovely comments; they had cheered me up a lot during those moments of solitude.

You might be wondering why, right? I don’t really know. I probably got tired of the whole blogging thing, or maybe I just realized that what I am going through, my thoughts and experiences are not really blog material. My life is a very tiring routine really. There are other things out there far more interesting, Brangelina probably?

I know I still owe you tons of entries, particularly the Istanbul trip. But I feel so tired at the moment and uninspired that I can get my ass to post it. But come to think of it, I think I never posted the details of the trip because it had become one of those memories that are too precious to be shared. Call me selfish but I’ve never been that happy and I want to keep the details to myself.

Fellow blogger friends, fret not as I will still drop by your personal blogs. This blog will remain viewable; I will not be taking it down. Some memories are just too precious to discard: a love lost, finally letting go, finding love again, the ups and downs… priceless moments.

This is indefinite, I might not blog again, or I might find the inspiration to start again. Who knows, I am not closing my doors. Or I might just be in a bad mood today, did not sleep well last night; damn AC is taking ages too cool down the scorching villa. Add a terrible headache and a terribly annoying back pain. I think I pulled a muscle/ligament whatever, tsk! The only thing that cheered me up today is David Beckham’s confirmation of Victoria’s pregnancy! Bless them; hope it’s a girl this time.

Anyways, goodbyes should never be this long right? Hehe.

I want to leave; I want to stay. I want to fight; I want to give in. I want to hold on; I want to let go. This life is just probably a mirage in this desert I am in. I do not know where the hell I am going at all. I am delusional, hehe… Yes I am totally misleading you all, eh?

…and the jellyfish is off to find Nemo!

It fits! Yeah!

In my previous entries, I think I had repeatedly mentioned that I am getting quite fat. Not really fat as it’s just my tummy that’s getting huge. The past months, tons of skirts, dresses and pants are just shoved at the back of my closet because they won’t fit.

But ever since I moved into a new place, I started getting into walking. My new place was actually relatively near my office than from where I used to live, but the problem is, no bus passes by my place that goes anywhere near my office. So rather than taking two bus rides, which will take longer, I decided to walk to and from the office.

I was first hesitant as it’s summer here now, and that means 30-40’C, plus high humidity. So what I do is I carry my office clothes in a gym bag, then I walk my way to the office with my sweat pants, baggy shirt, and trainers. I get a little sweaty but morning sweat never stinks anyway hehe. I just freshen up in the office, change to my office clothes, dab some cologne and I’m ready, and looking quite fresh really hehe.

It’s lately that I am seeing the benefits of my daily walk. I have this nice blush in the morning after each walk that stays until midday hehe, lesser breakouts, my legs are getting toned, butt getting firm, and last but most important… tummy’s slimming down! This morning I wore my little black dress, which I haven’t worn for months, and it fits! Yeah!

Plus, I seem to be having a faster metabolism now. I can’t wait for winter, walking then would be much more delightful.

FYI: the distance from my place to office is: 25-30 minutes if it’s brisk walking, and 45-50 minutes walking for a quite leisurely pace.

More updates coming soon...

Guys? Sorry! I know, the Istanbul update is long delayed. Blame Schmuck and the World Cup hehe. He got me hooked. It will be over soon so I can get back to editing the Turkey pictures.

By the way, have I told you I won a beaute hamper from Pierre Cardin? Yeah! It’s 500AED worth of cosmetics. I wouldn’t even spend 200AED for my own make up, so this is actually great! I just entered the competition by mailing my details, and then few days before leaving for Turkey, I received a confirmation that I won! It includes a liquid foundation, compact powder, loose shimmer, bronze blush, mascara, eyeliner pencil, lipstick and a nail polish. Sweet!

Guess what? Schmuck and I will turn a year this end of the month. I know, he never even thought we’d reach 2 months haha! If I am to describe the past year in a word, it will definitely be: FUN. He never ceases to amaze me. We always make each other laugh; he brings out my inner goofball.

Anyway, I’ll be giving you the Turkey updates soon. Ta!

I am back...

Sadly, I am back to the 45'C heat of Dubai... I miss Istanbul already, and its 18'C weather.

Anyways, I know you all want to know everything about the trip. And yes, it was fab! Istanbul is a b-e-a-u-tiful place! Both Schmuck and I fell inlove with it.

But I can't give you the full details yet. After getting back, I moved out my old place and transferred to a friend's place, and up to now i'm still not done with arranging my stuff. Then I arrived to tons of work waiting in the office that had piled up during my absence. Then I rushly finished some article for a friend's mag. So I really haven't got time to really sit down and write.

Will post the chikas of the travel and the pictures soon, promise!

Now back to work for me!

Almost there...

Whew, it’s been a while since I last wrote anything here. Actually I had been itching for days to blog about something that I am so excited about. But you’ve got to give me the credit for not really giving in to the urge of divulging it. I was thinking that telling you all about it when it’s still not confirmed might jinx it. So now, that everything is almost set and moving, let me just say it out loud:

I AM GOING TO ISTANBUL!!!

Yes, guys! Next month, June 15th to be exact, my dear Shmuck and I will be heading to the largest city in Turkey and known as the only metropolis located in two continents (namely Europe and Asia) at the same time. I didn’t get to tell you all about this trip before as we went through a lot before we were able get everything settled. Let me recount the obstacles that we faced:

1. Asking for vacation leave

We initially planned on going to Turkey in late June, since Schmuck was able to schedule his leave from the company at that time. But when I requested my company to let me have my vacation the same date as Schmuck’s, lo and behold my dearly beloved boss said no. He said I could either delay it for another month or advance it for a few weeks. I know Schmuck can’t delay it to July since their company will be too busy already by that time; we both tried our luck asking for permission to have it on from the 9th June until 24th June (2 weeks). I don’t know if it’s fate but we ended up having the same date for our vacation.

2. Hotel preference

We’ve been checking out hotels in Istanbul via the net and it took us a while to actually find the one we want. We wanted a 4-star one, and should be just walking distance to the historical site, i.e., Hagia Sofia, Topkapi Palace, Grand Bazaar, etc. There are lots of hostels and pensions along that area but it’s funny that we both had agreed on staying in a big hotel. Why? Small hostels and pensions offer a homey ambiance, but we don’t want to feel at home? We want to feel like a tourists, for the room to have a tub and room service; therefore, we chose to stay at a hotel, hehe! We picked Best Western President Hotel for: its great location, affordable price, tubs, a small swimming pool and an English pub that airs the World Cup live. Honestly, I don’t know anything about football, but I don’t really mind if he is to spend each night watching matches, I’ll just be right beside him trying out all of Turkey’s local wines! And here’s the funny part, after all the considerations, we found out that the hotel was fully-booked on our chosen dates. So we just booked another hotel, which is quite okay, but without the pool, pub and the football. Imagine our disappointments, but it was only short-lived…

3. Applying for visa

This is where everything almost ended. Friends who have gotten visas from the Turkish Consulate before had told us that it was fairly easy, unlike US or Schengen visa applications. So I called the consulate to inquire about their requirements, which is just the passport plus copies, photo, filled-up application form, and a company/no objection letter. They said other requirements, should they still ask for more, would be based on the applicants’ qualifications. So with all that settled, we confidently applied last Thursday, we waited for hours only to be informed afterwards that they wanted us to submit copies of our bank statements (OK, that’s normally asked for), proof of hotel reservations (OK that’s easy), and “actual” tickets (as in ACTUAL??). They just normally ask for reservation proofs, but asking for actual tickets is kind of mean, what if they decided not to give us visas? There will be charges if we end up canceling it. Oh well, we can’t blame them. Since when did our passports get to be so powerful anyway? Ah! The disadvantages of being born in the third world! Plus, I’ve got to admit that if I am the visa officer, I’ll be wary to since this is Schmuck and mine’s first trip out of the country, not to mention he’s just a year here, and Turkey’s still a European country, would have been easier if we’re applying to another Middle Eastern country.

So we went to our travel agent and ask for our tickets and hotel vouchers to be issued. But I just can’t help but ask him if he can find out if rooms had opened up in the hotel that we initially wanted. And then, viola! It is available on those dates! Imagine our happiness, though not that heartfelt yet since we are still basically denied of a visa but will be reconsidered if we can give them the requirements they want.

We were asked to submit the needed documents last Sunday. We handed him the documents he wanted, waited agonizingly for hours, and then after what seems like eternity, he called us, took our passports, charge us AED 260 each, and gave us back a coupon to claim our passports in two days. We were in awe on how fast it happened. Schmuck and I went out the consulate, stared at each other and then questions suddenly flooded in:

Me: Does that mean our applications were approved?
Schmuck: I don’t know, he didn’t say so…
Me: But he took our passports..
Schmuck: And he ask us to pay..
(Sudden realization…)
And we were both jumping up and down!

Just a few hours ago, I claimed the passports. We were allowed single entry to Turkey! Yeh! Our first European country! Funny how it’s still like 3weeks to go and Schmuck had been planning everything, like when he’s cleaning his place, what stuffs to buy and bring, to whom he’ll leave his place, and other worries. While all I do is read on all info that I can get about that place.. Ohh can’t wait..

Counting the days now...

Schmuck is the sweetest!

Arghh! Pardon the cheesy title, hehe.

How can I ever doubt my dear Schmuck?! If you had read my previous post, you would have read how I ranted about him being not as sweet as before, me feeling not needed blah blah blah? Well, I should have known, it was just my hormones. It’s that time of the month again hehe.

We watched “MI-3” last Friday. I can’t really say it was great as I am not a big fan of Tom Cruise after his couch-jumping stints, but I must say it was okay. The only thing that kept me glued to the screen was Jonathan Rhys-Meyers! I find him hot, hihi! I first fell for him when I watched “Match Point” and from then I kinda developed this growing fondness for him.

Then we had barbecued ribs at Chili’s for dinner, and it was HUGE! Schmuck and I always have a great appetite when we eat, but it’s funny that we never finished it was it was really huge! It was a fun weekend, he’s the sweetest and I do love him dearly (this is still my hormones talking, hehe).

What's up with me lately, Hollywood-style!

It’s been weeks since I had last updated this blog, been busy with work, and not to mention some job seeking, house hunting and a little writing stint for a teen magazine. Schmuck was also sick with flu for a few days, so I had to take care of him, his house and his laundry lol! He’s well now, except for some coughing fits now and then.

But so far I hadn’t had luck with finding a new job, and a new place. I had an interview last week for a PR company but the compensation that they are offering is not that great that I had to say no. I am hoping I’ll get the job I applied for in Qatar. It just seems great to be in a new place again where you know nobody and start again. Yes, I can be a gypsy sometimes.

The place I am staying right now is okay; I like the people I am with, but sometimes you just need to have your own little space and privacy, and you definitely can’t get that when there are 3 of you in a room. Plus I am having a hard time in the morning, as there’s only one bath in the house, and all 7 (3 in our room and 4 in the other room) of us lining up every morning to use the shower. Since I am the one who leaves the house first, I need to be the first one to use the bath, therefore I need to be up by 530am, or else everyone will be late. But unfortunately, I cannot find anything I can afford. Imagine, all I need is a small room for myself, as in a tiny one, that hopefully have it’s own bath, but rooms starts now at 2,000AED, and I can’t definitely afford that. Arghh, bitch!

I have to confess something; I am addicted to Angelina Jolie. I am! I am spending my free time surfing thee net for write-ups about her and photos of her, and yeah the family (Brad, Maddox, Zahara, and the coming baby) too. I just bought a copy of Hello! Magazine that features those exclusive photos of them in Namibia, and Schmuck bought me Lara Croft 1-2 and Girl, Interrupted DVDs, and I had been watching them and the speacial disks repeatedly for the past days. I just love her! Jeez!

Schmuck and I turned 10months last week, yes we’re still together, though it’s kinda waning down a little bit. Probably we’re just too comfortable with each other already that he somehow had lost his being malambing. Probably he thinks he doesn’t need to be affectionate anymore, as I know anyway how much he cares. Or probably he’s just too busy at work that his mind’s always occupied even when he’s with me. Or maybe I just think too much! We eat out a lot, and talk on the phone daily, but sometimes I just feel not needed. Knowing him he’ll say that he doesn’t really need me anyways, he’s a grown boy now. I don’t even want to think nor care about this little frustrations anymore. I’ll just look for a new job, a new place and use Angie as my escape. She’s so carefree; I wanna be like her, lol!

I’m gaining weight, but sad thing my arms and legs are still lanky, and it’s just my tummy that’s getting huge. I look like one of those malnourished kids (big stomach, small frame) that Angie is helping down in Namibia. Yes, baby bumps are so in at Hollywood nowadays, think Angelina Jolie, Gwen Stefani, Maggie Gyllenhaal and probably Britney Spears (still unconfirmed), but mine is pathetic, they are flabs! I need to exercise, as I can’t stop eating lately. Yes I may be thin but I eat like it’s the end of the world tomorrow! I need to get a new place first because my roommates getting annoyed when they see me doing sit-ups or whatever. Even my officemate who doesn’t give a damn about me had already noticed my tummy.

Enough of my ranting, I need to surf for Hollywood gossips. Yes, a dear friend, who is an editor for a teen magazine here, had given me a space in the mag to write some chismis, hihi!

Can’t Angelina and Brad adopt me? I came from a third-world country too, like Madz and Zahara, I can be the kids’ nanny, lol! Okay, maybe I’ll just ask Bryanboy to adopt me, since adoption is also a hype in Hollywood tehse days (say Ewan McGregor), that even that whiner Jen (Brad’s ex), Halle Berry, and (Help us!) Jessica Simpson is thinking of joining in the latest trend.

Oh dear!

Of insomnias, epilation and a panda...

I think my insomnia's back. Why I think so? I normally hit the sack at around 10pm, and it usually takes me around 5-10mins before I finally doze off to dreamland. Then I'm up by 5am, will wait for my alarm (which I set at 5:30am) before I drag myself off to get my caffeine and nicotine fix. But lately it's different, I lie awake until the wee hours of the morning, usually until 2:30-3am, doze off to a bothered, dream-filled sleep, then will be up and awake (no snoozing this time) by 5-5:30am.

Rather than lying down trying to catch that elusive shut-eye, I thought I better make use of the time to do something productive. First I thought I should bring home some stuff from work, but naah, I won’t get anything out of it (I have been longing for that much-awaited salary increase for more than a year now. Then I thought that I should used the extra time to really think about my life, then eventually, rather than sorting out some loose ends, I ended up with a terrible headache, so no more thinking about getting a change of career, moving to another country, needs, wants, disappointments, hang-ups, and relationships.

Then I finally decided to use up all this time, energy, pain, confusion, emotion, imagination and paranoia to my advantage. Last night I started writing again…

* * * * * *

I learned something lately. When your hurting inside, used this time to epilate (or wax if that’s what you prefer), you’ll hardly feel the pain. I have low pain tolerance but somehow I had managed to epilate my legs and underarms during the weekend, and actually enjoyed it.

* * * * * *

I fell asleep last night clinging to an old beanie panda. It was a gift from an ex (when we were still together, that is), and had been sort of my security blanket-cum-comfort zone when we broke up. I had kept it with me even after I had moved on and had been catching dust for sometime now, together with my stuffed Tigger. Last night, after running out of thoughts to carry me on through my insomnia attack, I just felt the urge to hold it again (not even hug it, I’m just clutching its foot), and I finally fell asleep.

Thinking about it now, I realized what happened last night. It is not a case of the “missing the ex” syndrome. It’s more like the beanie was something from my past; I think I had connected it to the comfort of home and the secured feeling of knowing who you are and what you want. I was probably troubled by my doubts about my present state, and definitely wary about the future that I don’t want to think about anymore, that the urge to cling to a past that I know so well seems very comforting.

I think I’ll wash the beanie panda later…

Update: Thanks to Ebudae,I've been looking for the right word to describe the comfort the past gives. Found it hehe, it's "familiarity". I am familiar with the past, familiarity=security! hehe!

Tagged

Tagged! Okay, I was tagged by Marye, and she wants me to write down 7 of my current favorite songs, and then I must tag another seven. Since I am not doing anything, I might as well get down to it.

But since I haven’t been watching any TV or listening to the radio since I got here (yeah, that’s almost two years, though I am updated on Hollywood gossips), I am not familiar with the new songs, bands, or singers that are hitting the charts right now. So my list will basically contain songs that I have gotten used to hearing (and eventually liked) from schmuck’s old collections. My top 7 will be (in no particular order):

1. Moon Over Bourbon Street (Sting) – I just love Sting! I love most of his songs but I kind of fell in love with this one.

2. I Walk Beside You (Dream Theater) – Schmuck always play this one, and since I hear it a lot, I slowly learned the lyrics and then eventually liked it. It was just lately that I knew the title and who sang it. When I found out it was by Dream Theater, I loved the song more, hehe.

3. This Time’s For Real (Ill Nino) – I heard it again from Schmuck, liked it, reminds me of my college days hehe, makes me miss my elephant pants and my almost shaved head hehe.

4. Go Your Own Way (Fleetwood Mac) – Just one of those songs that was being repeatedly played and have accustomed to like hehe.

5-7. Fragile, Seven Days and Message in a Bottle (Sting) – Yes I ran out of artist, so I list another 3 songs from Sting that are always in repeat mode in my player hehe.

I won’t be obliging anyone to follow my suit on this tagging thing, but I’ll name 7 of you anyways: tin (coz I’m curious if she can name just 7 from tons of her fave), balarns (another curiosity), misfit (will it be songs about heartbreaks dear?), patty (hehe miss you pattypie), riel (do still have time for music dear?), mitch (if you too have time for it) and ye (what’s on repeat mode on your new player huh?).

On another note: Holiday tomorrow! Wee! It’s a Muslim Holiday, It’s Prophet Mohammed’s birthday. Yes! I can sleep, sleep and sleep some more.

In my delusional state...

I was just doing my normal lunch time routine: eating last night’s leftover that I have heated in our office’s microwave and reading the day’s tabloid or magazine. Then I came across an article in the career section that hit me like a drench of ice-cold water. It was these particular lines that hit me:

“I think I have missed my calling”
“What is your calling?”
“I have no idea; I just hate to think I was born to do what I am doing now…”

It made me contemplate on my current job. I had realized years ago that I am making a wrong career choice when I took that degree back in college and further made a wrong decision when I took this job. But sometimes, though you know exactly what you wanted to do in life, the type of job that will bring you fulfillment, you just don’t know how to go about having a career change or probably just scared to do it. And before you realize it, it was already too late to make that career shift.

Probably a transferring to a new company can temporarily relieve this itch, or probably a move to another country. As for now, I’ll just have to go about putting up with this until I have enough money (and guts) to leave my secure job and salary to pursue an uncertain dream.

Someday I’ll just be living in the Mediterranean, watching some small fishing boats pass by, as I write my perfect novel. Funny as it may sound to other people but I think I want to be a romance writer, yes, those Harlequin or Mills & Boon-type, hehe. I know they are cheesy but hell, that’s what I want to do, and will make me happy.

As for now, I’ll just go about this tiring routine, but I have my goals to look forward to. Cheers to Dreamland!

Feeling model: Part 2

I like the previous photo better, though Patty and Schmuck liked this one better. Patty loved how artsy it is, while Schmuck likes the "simangot" effect, hehe. This is again taken by ria, and (again) if you are in the Dubai or anywhere near here and want to have your portrait taken by her, contact her at: ria.mendoza@gmail.com and mention my name so you can avail of the discount (wink wink).

Model for a day...

My friend (riel) bought a new camera lens and was itching to use it and at the same time practice taking on location portraits. She asked me to model for her, and me being the camera whore that I am, I willingly agreed. So here's one sample of her work, the rest I will be posting soon.

And if you are in the Dubai or anywhere near here and want to have your portrait taken by her, contact her at: ria.mendoza@gmail.com and mention my name so you can avail of the discount (wink wink).

The birthday that was...

Another birthday had passed. If I was still back home, hanging out with guys around my age or younger, I would probably be feeling way way old already. I felt that way when I turned 21 hehe. But here, turning 24 doesn’t really mean anything. I do not feel old at all, but do not feel young either. When you are dating someone seven years older than you, sometimes you will feel so mature, but most of the time you’ll still feel like a kid.

How’s the birthday? Oh it was okay. Did I sound too plain? Well, the pre-birthday thingy was fun rather than the day itself, which I spent in the office under loads of paperwork. To make it worse; nobody in the office knew it was my birthday so they made me work overtime for another 2 hours.

Okay, let me just tell you about the pre-birthday surprises.

Feb. 17 – yes I now it was way way early for a birthday surprise but schmuck treated me out for lunch at the Intercontinental Hotel. The best lunch ever! No kidding! The green lemon tea at Sumibiya is something to die for, not to mention the rest of the meal.

Feb. 23 – An amazing night of seafood buffet at Dusit Hotel, arranged by Schmuck, attended by my friends. Overflowing wine, lobster tails, prawns, getting tipsy, and best of all, sharing it with beloved friends, and paying just a small percentage of the total bill. Not to mention the Simon’s gift, dried mangoes. Yeah I know, it’s the thought that counts!

But the highlight of that night was schmuck picking me up for the dinner, looking really dressed up (which is rare) in a new, perfect fitting (another rare due to his size) black topman polo, and holding in his hand his gift: a “Chronicles of Narnia” box set. He knows I’ve been itching to have that one. And have I told you about his oh-so-perfect polo? Hehe, can’t get enough of it, he really looks great that night.

But he lost his 2nd gift though. He told me that he still had another gift and that he cannot find it as its small and might have misplaced it. Hearing that it was "small" and hearing him pissed on losing it, I panicked myself because I thought that the gift was "the" gift. You know. Turned out, it was a neutrogena lip balm, though we never found it. Good thing, I thought he lost something expensive.

Feb. 24 – another lunch date courtesy of schmuck (again), which (again) consists of lobster as main course. So what’s our fave food again, kids? Everyone now: lobster!

Feb. 27 – the day itself! Woke up with tons of text messages, which did not stop until late that night. Not to mention the phone calls, friendster msgs, emails, and Ym’s. Thanks guys for all your greetings and making me feel so so loved, thanks everyone! As much as I wanted to mention you all, I do not want to end up forgetting some names, so you guys know who you are. Okay, special shout outs to: hanna, thanks for that unexpected call, marye: for blogging your greetings and ria: for the skirt hehe.

And so the day ended with a dinner of home-cooked nilagang baka by kuya banoy…

To sum it all up, I can just sigh and smile. It was a good one...

This is really a lucky month for me! Remember a few weeks ago I posted an entry mentioning my winning a 5K shopping voucher at IKEA? Well apparently my lucky streak has not fade out just yet.

Two days back, I was just reading the 7days tabloid when I saw a promotional contest for a newly opened Japanese restaurant in the Intercontinental Hotel named “Sumibiya”. They are giving away a lunch/dinner voucher for 4 for anyone who can give the English meaning of the restaurant’s name. Out of curiosity, I searched the net for a translation. But I cannot find any. Though I found a site with the word sumibiya was also written in its Japanese form. So what I did was copy the Japanese form, paste it in one of the online translation sites and there you go! It means “Charcoal Fire House”.

Thinking it must be the right answer as Sumibiya, they said, offers the grill-your-own-food type of dining experience (check out the photo), I sent my answer. And yep, you’ve guessed it! I won! Again! Imagine I’ve won two vouchers already in less than 3 weeks interval.

Remember one of the birthday wishes that I made a few weeks back? (refer to an older posting to view the list): To win any raffle for cash, all expense paid vacations, cruises, or shopping/dinner vouchers. Came true already, right? I was only hoping for one of any of the options (cash, vacation, shopping, dining), but I got two already. This really is a lucky month for me! :)

Valentine's day has beed cancelled...

I received this pic from a friend just now... I can't help but post it. I just find it funny and harsh at the same time hehe. It came with this caption:

Peace at last....

It's about time somebody shot the little shit!

I'm back, so is my sunshine...

I apologize over the sad tone of my previous entry. I was in a bad wreck the time I was writing that down, and I must have really sounded desperate as I received tons of calls and messages asking what happened.

I’m okay now; my sun’s shining again (hopefully it will stay that way for a long, long time). Thanks guys (galo, sara, patty, ria & lovella) for your messages.

And yeah, Schmuck’s mom stopped by Dubai for 10hours on her way back to Saudi last Friday. So we met up with her. I have some new stuffs yey! My mom sent me some make-up through her, and Schmuck’s sisters sent me a nice blouse, some headbands and scoongies, earrings and a book. Yey! Thanks guys, I love them!

Drenched

Rain had been pouring on me lately. It’s okay; I’ve learned to feign cheerfulness even when I’m drenched. I just walk like I don’t care, humming some blues, and at least, as a friend used to say, “nobody notices I’m crying in the rain”.

Am I scared that the rain will not stop and eventually drown me in solitude? It’s a painful thought, and maybe yeah I’m scared. I’ve learned a lot from braving the heavy rains. But I also know that no matter how much you have prepared yourself to the thought that you will eventually drown, it will still hurt, and a lot.

I hope this rain will end, even just for today. I may never know if I will forever have my sunshine beside me, but all I ask of fate is to let my sun’s warmth bathe me longer, because I am not ready to be back in the freezing cold again.

Dearest fate, I had never in my life interfered with your will, I had let your arms take wherever you desire. You have taken me away of my comfort zone before and flew me to the harsh desert. I never complained. I just let you live my life, though inside I am more like dead.

I accepted everything, as I know you always have a way of picking me up from the rain, drying me up, and even letting me have a cup of warm hot chocolate with marshmallows on top. I will forever let you take me wherever you want me to be, but all I ask of you now is to let the sunshine last, if not forever, just a little longer.

Of being lucky and other stuff...

I’m one lucky girl lately. Let me tell you why but first, let’s backtrack to how it happened:

You all know that Schmuck’s dad went here for a couple of days last month, and when he was here, he bought himself a new pda/phone. It just so happened that the store had this promo that day that for a certain amount of purchase, you are entitled to enter the raffle for a gift voucher to IKEA (the best home furnishing store in the whole world, in my unbiased opinion hehe). Since Schmuck works for IKEA, that immediately disqualifies him and his immediate relatives to the raffle, so I ended up filling up the stubs myself. So you all know where this is heading right? Too make this long blabbering short, I WON! No, make it they won; it’s just that it’s under my name so basically I won, though I didn’t hehe.

I received the call two days ago; they said I won a 5,000aed voucher from IKEA! Sweet! Funny when I was filling up that stub, Schmuck’s dad told me he’s a got a good feeling about it. I was always lucky with raffle draws. Back in the Phils, previous winning I have accumulated includes a washing machine, a Sony wi-fi component, groceries, and even shirts hehe.

I remember two instances in college, wherein in both cases, there was a long line of students wanting to get that last slot on a class, so the teacher decided to get all our id’s and raffle the last slot, and what do you know, I got the slot in both cases!

But I was never lucky with sweepstakes, lottos and other games of chance, just raffles hehe. Hey, it just hit me, in my previous blog, I wrote my birthday wishlist and one of them was to win in any raffle, cool! And with regards to my makeup wish, my mom is sending me some thru Schmuck’s mom. Hmmm, wishes coming true, I wonder if my secret wish will be granted…

Anyways, with regards to the winnings, since it was not my purchase, we have decided to divide it, 1k will go to Schmuck’s family, 1k to some friends who I promised to buy some little tokens, and the remaining 3k will be used to furnish Schmuck’s place. I only bedspace so there will be no more space for additional clutter. Scmuck promised to buy me some stuffs though from his share, like some cookwares to send to my mom and maybe some little stuff for me.

* * * * *

I was planning on going to Turkey to celebrate my birthday, just for 3 days, but yesterday I have decided to cancel it. Apparently most of my friends cannot go with me, I wouldn’t want to celebrate my birthday wandering in Turkey alone right?

* * * * *

I am dreading lunch today. This morning while I was cooking my lunch (sausage and egg hehe), I made a little boo boo. As I was frying the egg, I took the saltshaker to sprinkle some salt and stupid little me open the wrong end on the shaker (the big opening and not the “little holes” opening. So you all know what happened, so lunch will be a bit salty later.

* * * * *
I’m having a case of too much of “too much”. You didn’t get me right? Hehe. Well it’s like this, most of the people in here say “too much” too often. It always ends up getting misused actually. It’s like they do not have “very” in their vocabulary. Examples:

- They say: There is “too much” traffic, when it will be better just to say: “The traffic was bad”.
- They say: I am “too much” busy, when it should be: “I am very busy”.

That goes also for: There is too much cold, too much problem, and so on. Come to think of it, they say “how much” in cases when “how many” applies better.

This is too much (wink)... I have to go back to work. =)

Japanese-Themed Birthday Party!

Last January 5, our friend Charles celebrated his birthday by having a Japanese-themed party. So everyone was asked to don any Japanese costume. I wanted to come as a geisha but I cannot find any kimono the last minute so I ended up coming as a Japanese school girl. Schmuck and I had a hard time looking for costume and as it turned out, our last resort which is the kid's section, is where I found my whole costume ensemble.

Schmuck, on the other hand decided to just go as a Japanese commoner, with his improvised kimono (it was a bathrobe hehe) and sock and slippers.

Here as the pics:

Schmuck "the Japanese commoner" (as if he really needs a costume, he looks japanese anyways) and his japanese school girl. I was going for a cross between fook mi/yu in austin power's goldmember and the school girl in kill bill, but everybody ended up calling me britney spears thoughout the evening.

My dearest buddy Simon drunk and rowdy as always!

Memoirs of a Geisha?! Charles (the birthday celebrant), Andy (who looks more like he's from the set of Mano Po) and Herbert (the japanese pokpok)

Question: Why the hell is everybody in the kitchen? Answer: Because that's where the booze is!

Everybody having a blast, Schmuck mixing drinks...

What a rowdy bunch...


The japayuki, Carl "the wagamama-japanese cardinal-queen amidala, and charles the geisha.

It was a fun evening. I don't actually know how they all end up in the morning as Schmuck and I sneaked out to go home when the party got too wild for us. Hmm, with my birthday coming up, what theme should my party be? Curious! Very curious!

Saying my thoughts out loud...

(Me, talking to myself, here are my thoughts...)

• Darn, the 4day holiday passed by without me really feeling it. Blame the PS2! (Kidding babe)
• Yey! Angie's (Angelina Jolie) pregnant. Dunno why I'm happy hehe. I just like them both.
• It's my year! Year of the Dog! A friend used his tarot cards on me a few weeks ago. And boy! The predictions for me this year really blew my hat off! I'm not telling you yet about the predictions, I'll just wait til they come true!
• My birthday's coming up!We'll it's still next month, yet I can't help but feel excited about it. I remember some friends posting their bday wishlist, I was thinking that maybe I'll post mine, to give you guys hints wahahaha! But it won't really be useful for those back home unless you wanna spend a lot having them sent here by courier! (Wink!) Note: Wish list at the end of this post.
• I haven't watched Narnia yet, tsk! We're supposed to watch it this past holidays but again blame the PS2! (Kidding babe!) Actually Schmuck's a little sick, slight fever and back pain, so he's not really in the mood to go out.
• I really have this good feeling about this year! I feel giddy thinking about it!
• I miss my bestfriend (Jan)... Hi bes!
• Just this past week, I've missed 3 weddings! The first one was that of one of my fave cousin on my dad's side, I was supposed to be the bride's maid but I was not able to go home. Tsk! Then there was Je's wedding, a highschool friend, and then Ghem's wedding, a college blockmate, the first wedding in our block! Tsk! I wish could have gone to all three.
• It just seems funny that people I know are getting married here and there lately, and my dear cousin (on my mom's side, yung pretty na kamuka ko haha) is now sporting a new diamond ring! I just can't imagine it, my beloved cousin, the one I used to spend hours with every night crying my heart out over some corny love aches, the one who knows all my craziness, my childhood playmate, dang! She's engaged! Daya! Haha! Sabi ko sayo ako muna dapat since I'm older than you! Oh well... I'm happy for you nhai!
• I miss Simon. A dear friend who used to work in the same building as mine. We used to meet at the building's fire exit when we're both bored to make chika. He transferred to another office and now I don't have a ciggie bud here. And yeah, it's through him that Schmuck and I met.
• It's confirmed! WB will release the Harry Potter GOF DVD's on March 7! They'll be releasing them in 2 versions: the normal one-disk and a 2-disk special edition that will contain some deleted scenes and cast interviews. But I'm not getting either of the two... I'm buying the 8-disk special! Yup! They're also releasing a collection of all 4 HP's together with a special disk for each so 8 all-in-all! Yey!
• There's a sandstorm outside and its been going on for hours now.
• And now for my bday wishlist:

(first the not-so-expensive material wishes:)

- A lunch box. Preferably in a stylish color that will be okay with whatever office attire I'm wearing hehe!

- A plain black bag, a must-have but dunno why I just don't have one.

- Cutee small ankle socks (if that's what you call them). I just bought myself (a new year's gift) a pair of the cutest Puma shoes, and that's what i need the socks for wehehe.

- Any shiny lipgloss

- Pony tails or scoongies, nice ones that I can use in the office.

- A Palm Tungsten E2 casing

- I actually need a pressed powder and a blush hehe

- Books: The Devil Wears Prada or Narnia (the box collection)

- DVDs: Mean Streets or Casino (both by Martin Scorsese), Scarface (starring Pacino), or a season of the Gilmore Girls

(then my other wishes that I dunno how to classify but will really give me great happiness:)

- A pay raise (this goes out for my boss)

- A Sony Vaio laptop (this one is a typographical error! wehehe)

- To spend half a day in a hot tub, with scented candles all around, reading a book, and sipping wine (preferably a Montes Cabernet Sauvignon).

- Dinner with friends (and I hope I won't have to pay hehe)

- To receive a surprise

- To win any raffle for cash, all expense paid vacations, cruises, or shopping/dinner vouchers

- Visit mom and dad

- For a dream to come true ( I just have this feeling that something's goods about to happen).

Have to get back to reality now... My boss' calling...

Holidays!

It's not often that one gets to have holidays here in the Middle East. Being in a Muslim country, where a normal working week is from Saturday to Thursday, and Friday being what we considered as a weekend, getting holidays every once in a while is really something that everyone looks forward to.

One of the holidays we look forward to is the Ramadan, which usually falls between October and November, it's a whole month of working only until 2pm. But not really that fun when you cannot eat out and drink until evening because the Muslims are fasting, and you also can't go to the mall after work because they will open only around 6pm during these times. But at the end of the Ramadan month we get a 3-day Eid Mubarak holidays.

Then the next holiday will be Christmas, we'll that still depends with your boss hehe. Like in my case I was working last Christmas.

We'll at least they celebrate New Year here, so since I was usually off Fridays and Saturdays, New Year falling on a Sunday was really good for me... a 3-day holiday it was!

Not even rcovering from the holidays, a few days ago another 3-day off was announced, Jan.5-7, due to the sad demise of Sheikh Maktoum, our Dubai Ruler and UAE's Vice President.

So I came to work only yesterday but again tomorrow will be the start of another Muslim Holiday! I forgot the name, it an Eid al-something holiday.. So I'll be off from tomorrow til Friday! 4days!

But this holiday is a little more special because Schmuck's also off during those days. It's not often that we get to spend holidays together. He works in Retail so usually they have work during those times. But it's a good thing his boss finally gave him a holiday.

So we will not be bored for 4days, here are what we are planning:

- play Playstation2 (he'll buy Sims2, Sims Bustin' Out and Colin McRae Rally 2005 later), i'm downloading cheatcodes at the moment haha..

- cook, bake, and eat! i'm thinking of buying an oven hehe..

- read, read and read.. we have to catch up on some readings. I'm downloading ebooks for my pda, but I can't seem to find good ones for free. I love classics anyways. But if you happen to have new ones that you can send me for free, please do so! hehe..

- watch Narnia!

- Pig-out!

- watch DVDs!

It is too cold to go the beach anymore. It is averaging 13'C - 18'C outside. So it will only be home and mall for 4days. Hay, we have to make most of this holiday because there will be no more holidays until the October. See you next week!

I love my bosses!

I just love my bosses right now hehe. Today, we (my 3 Korean bosses, me and another indian officemate) went out for lunch. He asked me to make a reservation at Dusit Hotel, telling me that it will be our year-end party thingy.

So before 12:30pm, we all left the office. I get to ride in our GM's totally awesome Cadillac, hehe.
Then during lunch, my bosses (the GM, Sr. GM and the Mngr) presented us (moi and the indian guy) with what they say is our year-end gifts. I was like, whaaatttt?

First, they gave my indian officemate (who's been working for them for 10years) a Samsung mobile phone, i forgot the model though, but it's that sleek silver one, the hell, all of them look the same hehe.

Then they gave me my gift. As you can see from the pictures, it's the Samsung YP-T7F digital audio player! It's got 512mb, in a totally cool metallic sky blue color, it can play videos, i can view photos, and of course it plays music hehe. It even has a recorder and FM radio.. jeezzz.

I checked it out in the net and they say it costs around $209, or maybe more here. It's more expensive that its Ipod counterpart. And they say it battery can last 10hours.

Now I feel guilty for all those times that I complain about my bosses. =)

Schmuck's Dad

A few days ago, schmuck’s dad was here in Dubai. He stayed for two days, and since both schmuck and I were able to get a day-off last 26th December, we toured his dad around Dubai. Here are some pics:

We first had lunch at Noodle House. It was supposed to be a momentous event as it is the first time ever that schmuck treated his dad for lunch.. hehe. The rest are just pictures taken at Madinat Jumeirah:













That was Burj al Arab, the only seven-star hotel, in the background.

We also went to a lot of other places but I was not able to take some pics. His dad though had taken a lot of pics with his cam, I will show them to you when I get the copies.

It was a fun day, I enjoyed his dad’s company. Sabi ko nga mas cool at saka mas gwapo pa si daddy nya kesa sa kanya haha! I am hoping that his dad, along with his mom, will stop by again on February. Maybe then I can get them a tour inside the Burj.

Christmas @ work

Merry Christmas everyone!

Christmas day! And here I am spending it in in the office haha! I have to work 24th and 25th as I have requested for a day-off tomorrow coz schmuck's dad will be arriving tonight and we want to tour him around Dubai tomorrow.

It was a funny christmas eve for schmuck and I. Since we both have work on 24th and 25th, we both do not have time to cook noche buena and stay out partying late, so we just had an early noche buena, and of all places we ate at Chowking haha! I was craving for kare-kare so we both decided to dine there.

It was really nice how a simple dinner, at a simple place, can turn out perfect with the perfect company and some christmas spirit. Dunno how it happened but we both feel giddy and elated (feels like it really is christmas haha) just walking around the mall and doing some window shopping hehe.

We did the christmas shopping on the 23rd, and that was also fun. We both gave each other unconventional christmas gifts, he gave me a quilt and quilt cover, and i gave him a 256mb flash disk haha. I also bought myself a new pair of high heels and a suede bag. And yeah, i bought myself a Palm Tungsten E2 as my christmas gift to myself, and shcmuck got himself a new Nokia 5140i phone.

I bought my bosses some nice cotton hankies from Bhs, don't wanna give them something that is expensive as I want them to think that i cannot afford buying them anything that cost a lot so they will decide on giving me a raise next year, hehe. Then I gave my health-concious roommates some belgian chocolates to ruin their diets wehehe.

I called my parents last night, got a little sad when my mom told me she misses my steaks during noche buena. I called again this morning as they have a reunion with relative so I was able to talk to almost everyone, from cousins, aunts, uncles and my beloved granny. I was able to call some friends back home yesterday, and it was really nice to chat with them after almost of two years of not seeing them.

Christmas is still not over til tonight, and so far, it had been a great one for me. Better than last year definitely, as now I have schmuck to spend christmas with. I hope you all have have a great christmas too! Happy Christmas everyone!

Foggy Foggy Day!

I’ve been carrying my digicam around lately because I know any moment now the whole Dubai will be covered with fog. I remember it so well last year when I first experienced winter here; and coming from a tropical country where the nearest thing to fog that I can get is the air pollution in the metropolis, seeing the whole city wrapped in this magical white fog is really a sight I really want to capture. So just to be ready, I have the cam always ready.

Then last 6th December, it finally came! So I hurriedly took out my cam, and what do you know! Its battery is dead empty! How thick can I get huh?

Good thing I received these pics in my email so I can share it with you. I can't give credit to the owner of the pics though since it was just forwarded to me. All I know is he/she took the shots from the 33rd floor of the Emirates Tower (just a few blocks away from my office building) at around 8:30am on that beautiful December 6 morning..

Take look at these:

That white building in the right hand side, with that protruding antaenna (if that's what it is) is where my office is. That's the Dubai World Trade Centre. Then that building at the center with four pyramids on top is the Fairmont Hotel.



With the fog effect, it looks like these buildings are really towering in height no? not really hehe.. imagine the one who took that pic was only on the 33rd floor so mababa lang talaga yung fog hehe..



This is Sheikh Zayed Road that day hehe..

But imagine how it was inside that fog. Funny how I was already in front of our building yet I still can't see a thing. Zero visibility hehe. Then this is where my "pagiging inosente" comes in.. pano ba naman, super awestruck ako with smoke coming out of my mounth when I speak hehe. E ano ngayon? E sa walang ganun sa Pinas diba? Basta I know I must have really looked stupid hehe.

My First Costume Ball

Last 2nd December, UPAA-UAE held its first-ever Christmas Party, and what makes it more fun was that they decided on making it a costume ball!

It was a total show of creativity for everyone. And being someone who loves dressing up, I had decided on wearing a flapper girl costume a week before the event. But as it turned out, the costume I had borrowed from a gay friend was too flimsy that I decided to change costume the last minute.

That was the morning of the day itself, and still I’m costume-less. I woke up early that day to head to the nearest mall. Since I already bought a cigarette holder a few days back for the supposedly flapper costume, so I decided to think of something wherein I can still utilize that ciggie holder. So schmuck said I could go as Cruella Deville.

So with that decided, I bought fake long nails, hair spray (to set my hair up ala-Cruella) and white washable hair color (as her hair is black and white). I borrowed a long black dress from a friend and since I cannot find a cheap animal skin coat, I settled for a white boa. With everything all set, I went to a friend’s house to start dressing up.

But it seemed I was never really meant to go as Cruella as another disaster took place. It never really occurred to me that to be able to color your hair white, your natural hair color should be light brown to blonde. So after spraying that white hair color, instead of me having platinum-blonde hair, I ended up looking like an old lady with graying hair. Since I cannot do anything about it anymore as I’m out of time, I just wrapped a turban on my head, and luckily another friend had an extra wig so I was able to change my look around the second half of the party.

Here are the pics:

Kuya Mike in the Samurai costume, moi in what they say was a merge between Grace Kelly and Medussa (though I feel that I look like Professor Quirell) and Kuya Anthon as the Arabo



Moi, Xernes without his Mardi Gras mask, Lucy who supposedly was Reese in Legally Blonde, Galo the Mariacchi, and Janice the tennis-playing, Chinese-hooker looking Marilyn Monroe hehe



Moi in the old-lady look hehe



Schmuck (who insisted on not wearing a costume hehe) and moi (now in wig!)



Charles (cow-girl?), Frando (Abu Sayaf), Josh (Mano Po-look), Simon (Turkish attire), moi and Schmuck

I didn’t won the “Best Costume of the Night” prize but Tinette, who owns the wig I wore, gave me the wig as it fits me better daw hehe. So I still went home happy. Plus I was able to take home some leftovers and bottles of vodka and red wine hehe.

Check this out...

"Fantasya: The Philippine Comic and Story Anthology" published by PSICOM Publishing is now out and can be found in all National Bookstores nationwide.

Please buy your copies and check out the story: The Awakening of Tonnie Seawolf. It was written by schmuck's younger sis. Too bad I can't buy a copy myself, unless you guys wanna send me a copy here.

Riel? I think you have friends who'll be intrested in this. Kindly send them my link.

Buy! Buy! Panregalo nyo sa christmas!

Just a proud sis (???), hehe.

My ode to mom and dad

I’ve been here for almost a year and five months now, and yeah.. I miss mom and dad..

When I first arrived here, I used to call them only every other week. Sometimes it’s my mom who calls me, as she is wondering why I never call her. But lately it had been different; calling them thrice a week is now normal. Must be a sign that I desperately miss them, especially now that I’m about to celebrate my second Christmas alone here.

Looking back, I am thankful to everything that both of them had taught me. Despite my being an only child, I was raised to be independent and self-sufficient. My parents never spoiled me in material possessions, but I was abundantly showered by love, affection and attention. Growing up with no siblings, my parents know that they needed to raise me to be independent because time will come that they will not be there anymore for me, and even if I do not have any “ate” or “kuya” to run to, they feel secure knowing that they’ve raised me well enough to stand on my own and make my own decisions.



A lot of people say that I look like both my parents, the upper part of my face from my mom, the lower part from my dad. I don’t actually know what traits I took after them. Hopefully I can someday be like them when it’s time for me to raise my own kids. I want my kids to look up to me just as much as I respect my mom and dad.

I really miss how “mokong” my parents are. Old as they are (dad’s 56 and mom’s 51), they are still one of the sweetest couple I know. I miss their “lambingan”, hehe. I miss it when my dad will say goodnight to me first before he goes to bed, or how he always gives me the best part of the “bangus” (tiyan hehe), I miss it whenever he says “musta na ang anak kong maganda?” (haha it’s my dad’s fault I’m vain), and how he tickles the sole of my feet when I don’t wanna wake up in the morning.



It’s my mom that insisted I learn to cook and wash/iron my clothes. It’s from her that I learn that I should wait for the vinegar to boil before stirring it so it will retain its sourness, or that putting a papaya stalk while boiling meat will help make it become soft and tender faster than normal. I am still hopeful that I have attained my mom’s green thumb, though the only successful plant I had grown up to date is mongo (yup toge), and that’s even for a science class in grade school haha.

I have acquired my mom’s love for cats, and my “walang pakialamanan” attitude from my dad. Come to think of it, it’s just lately that I realized I look for guys that are exactly like my dad. Someone who will shower me with attention yet will not spoil me, will support me yet will let me decide on my own, and will let me have the best part of the “bangus” hehe.



I miss mom and dad; I hope someday I can tour them out of the country. It’s my mom’s dream to visit the Holy Land, but I cannot bring them there yet, not until I’m out of Dubai as I cannot step back here if I go to Israel or Jerusalem hehe. My mom’s never ridden a plane before so I want her to experience that soon hehe.

I miss you mom and dad, (though you cannot read this because you both do not know how to operate a PC and much more connect to the net) and I love you so so much! I wouldn’t be where I am right now if it weren’t for you guys. Thanks!

Meeting Paulo Coelho...

Damn, I don’t even know how to start.. Okay let me first give you the 4W’s..

When: 16th November 2005, Wednesday, 6pm-10pm
Where: Virgin Megastore, Mercato Mall, Dubai
What: Book Signing
Who: (Ahhh! Wahoo! Yeeeeh! Oh!) Paulo Coelho

My emotions are taking over hehe, I’m having a hard time expressing everything. Ok, calm down, inhale… exhale…

Now, let me start:

The book signing was scheduled 6pm-8pm only, with only 3 books allowed per person. Since Schmuck and I will be coming from work (plus the traffic and the seemingly absence of cabs when you urgently need one), we arrived at Mercato at about 10minutes to 7pm. And the scene that greeted us was overwhelming. A long queue of people (hundreds I believe) was there, media, camera flashing here and there.. It was really uhm.. disorienting.

So I joined the queue while schmuck went around the store to get some chismis, and he found out that by 8pm (em punto!), the signing will stop. I was crestfallen when I heard about it. But still that did not discourage me, as Schmuck always tells me: Patience is a virtue hehe!

(My Paulo Coelho Books!)

So when 8pm came, they announced that Coelho will take a break (to get a hand massage or something hehe) but he will still resume signing after it. (Yey!) We were also informed that there would be another signing session on the 19th in another mall. So some people decided they’ll just go there, but since schmuck and I both have work that Saturday, we decided to stay.

Tummy grumbling (almost 9pm and we haven’t had dinner yet), legs getting numb (I’m in heels), and fatigue finally sinking in, we still stayed. I’ve waited long enough hehe so I might as well wait some more. Though Coelho said he’d try to get all books signed, I still can’t be at peace, not until I’m in front of him. There are still like more than a hundred people in front of me (with 3 books each), and it’s almost 9pm, and the store closes at 10pm.. arghh.. I was actually getting discouraged already but not everyone gets an opportunity like this so.. I stayed.

So after another hour (it’s almost 10pm then) and 3 more hand massage breaks for Coelho, I can actually now see him, it’s like there are now only 20 people in front of me. Yey! Coelho decided that instead of us approaching him to his table, he’d be the one to come to our line. So we open all our books to where we want the signature placed and waited.

Let me first tell you something, at about 7:30pm, since there are too many people who wanted their book signed. Coelho decided on just writing his signature, no more dedications, no more dear blah blah, so he can clear up the queue faster. So when my turn finally came, he’s in front of me na! Coelho as in Paulo Coelho! Hehe! Then his pen runs out of ink! Haha! Blooper! So he asked his assistant for a new pen, so I waited and made chikka. He asked me where I’m from, I was actually thinking of saying I’m from Latin Asia (it’s what a gay friend used to say so that it sounds sosyal haha), but I said I’m from the Philippines anyway. I told him it was really kind of him to extend the book signing, blah blah, and then the pen finally arrived.

Then he suddenly told me something that will forever be etched in my memory:

“You know what, whenever my pen is new, I love writing something long..”

So there I was, my mouth open in disbelief as he wrote something that up to now I still can’t understand. I asked him if it’s in Spanish, he said it’s in Portuguese (stupid me, he’s Brazilian! Of course it will be in Portuguese!). Then I told him that the only Portuguese phrase I can remember is “Boa noite” (Good evening) and “Boa tarde” (Good afternoon), and he laughed at me hehe. Paulo Coelho laughed at me, Ahhhhh! Hehe! Then before I go, he said it was a pleasure meeting me, and I was floating on air since then hehe..

(Coelho signing my books, as people crowd around us)

Everybody crowded around me after, just to see what Coelho had written and telling me how they envy me, ahhh! I was the only one there to get something long written in my book, all of them had only signatures or maybe Dear Blah and that’s it! I was ranting and ranting till the next morning, the giddiness was actually still there every time I remember it hehe.

(Schmuck getting his sis' book signed)

(My signed "By The River Piedras I Sat Down And Wept")

(My "Veronika Decides To Die" also signed!)

(My treasure! My "The Alchemist")

I still haven't translated it, I think it's a religious verse or something.. In case any of you can get it translated for me.. Just give me a buzz!

Tsk.. Tsk...

I am disappointed… I’ve been so looking forward to the Goblet of Fire movie, only to find out today that it will be released here in Dubai on the 21st December.. tsk..

Even Chronicles of Narnia will be released next year pa.. arghhh..

* * * * *

By the way, last Wednesday (16th Nov.) something worth blogging happened.. hehe. I can’t start ranting about it just yet as I left my cam cable back home so I cannot upload the pictures.. I wan’t pics to support my story hehe..

Hint: The Alchemist!

* * * * *

It rained this morning, the first after a lifetime of scorching desert heat. That can only signify one thing: winter’s here! Wahoo!

* * * * *

A few more weeks and it’s Christmas again. I heard some Christmas carols from the TV the other day and it somehow made me feel homesick again. I remember how I used to anticipate Christmas back there in the Phils. And now here I am, to celebrate my second Christmas alone. Tsk.. I hope Schmuck and I will not have work that day so we can somehow celebrate Christmas.

Hay, I miss home. I used to be the one who prepares the Christmas dinner. It’s just saddens me more to know that my mom and dad will again be a twosome this Christmas. I being an only child, I know how hard it is for them to celebrate without me. Sad, sad, sad...

Of the Eid holidays and being sick...

The past two weeks had been a bad one; I called in sick from work for 5 days and the rest of the Eid holidays I spent in bed sick still.

The week before Ramadan ends, my ever-recurring urinary tract infection (UTI) attacked again (attacked ba yung gamitin na word?). So I was in bed the whole week, under medication, complaining about my back pain, and all the other UTI complications that I need not and will not elaborate on.

So when Eid finally arrives, I’m feeling much much better, the infection (I believe) is finally starting to clear, when I started having fever. I’ve so looked forward to the holidays, with plans of going places, out of town maybe, when there I was, in bed, wrapped up, having chills, nursing a 38-40 degrees fever… arghh..

Then when I started feeling a little better, it’s schmuck who got sick. Maybe he got it from me after taking care of me. So he was the one who then have to call in sick for 2 days. He was diagnosed with viral fever, which explained it as we only have this very high fever, yet we have neither colds nor cough..

So schmuck is okay now, we both go to work again. But I still have this “puta” fever, I call it that way as it only comes out at night haha. The whole day I’m fine yet late afternoon till early morning I experience the chills and high fever. That can be bad.. I should really ask the doctor’s opinion, I don’t know. I just have this phobia of consulting doctors. Basta..

Kainis, what an uneventful holidays that was, except for the one day when we both felt okay and we decided to get some sun by the beach. We both missed the beach hehe.

I’ll just look forward this weekend. I have my eyes on that grilling pan and wok at IKEA and planning on cooking something nice for schmuck. Damn, if only I can get some red wine. Kainis, getting alcohol here in Dubai is really hard. You can either buy outside Dubai where its legal to sell alcohol, which is like a 3hour drive naman or you can settle na lang on those liquor stores here where a bottle would be triple the normal price, plus you must have the license to buy one, which I don’t have. Fine, sparkling water it is then..

Yey, it’s Thursday na tomorrow, wahoo!

3 months, but who's counting?

I just wanna post this pic.. schmuck took it, and i do not have any idea that he's taking our pic. I thought he's just looking at the pics i have taken in the cam.. that's us, in our pambahays on a normal weekend..

I'm tired of life here...

This may sound like a bratty spoiled kid caught up in her own little world.. but this my blog so i don't really give a damn.

I'm tired of Dubai. I can't see myself and my career flourishing here anymore. I want to go somewhere else. I want to start anew.

I'm not happy with my work anymore, it's too routinary for me (though i know i'm far blessed than a lot of people who do not have a job at the moment). I hate my wardrobe, i've outgrown everything in there (yeah i know it's such a simple thing to blabber about as there are tons of people who would wish to have what i have in my closet). The only thing that keeps me going at the moment are my dreams (for my family and career) and schmuck.

I know why i'm feeling this way, i know why i'm itching to leave this place.. it's because i know that despite the fact that i already excel here, i know that i can excel further somewhere else.

My options? Anywhere in Europe will be fine. Hopefully i won't be here anymore by the end of next year. Then, i'll start again. I'll try getting a job in research or PR, then i'll start writing again. Then who knows, if i enjoyed life there, i might settle there, and start a family...

It's good to know that schmuck shares the same views... he's itching to leave this place too.. we'll just leave it to fate. If we're meant to be somewhere else together, then who am I to complain? It couldn't be any better hehe. =)

One gimik night...

Isang gabi... nagkasama-sama ang mga bading ng UPAA... nagkalasingan, kwentuhan.. at kodakan.. bwahahaha...

Kailangan naka-pout lagi ang kumare nyo.. nagfe-feeling eh...

At ito si Paris Hilton, kasama si Tinkerbell... (joke lang ateng..)

Nagpasa ako ng resume wehehehe!

Note: Tagalog mode ulit upang protektahan ang sarili saka-sakaling ang amo ko pala ay nagsu-surf at may blog din..

Okay naman sa kompanya kong to. Di man ako properly compensated sa dami at antas ng trabahong ginagawa ko, e masasabing pupwede na. Kumbaga di ka kuntento pero pede nang pagtiyagaan.

Kasi nga mabait ang mga amo ko (crush nga kasi ako hehe), tapos parang wala na kong balak lumipat pa ng bagong trabaho kasi balak kong makipagsapalaran sa Europa by next year. E kung lilipat pa ako ng trabaho dito e di bagong kontrata na naman yun na 2years, e sawa na nga ko sa Dubai. Kaya parang mas mainam na tapusin ko na yung kontrata ko sa present company ko at saka ako sumibat ng malinis ang record ko..

Pero...

Oo, di ko mapagkasya ang sahod ko.. kumbaga pag inalis ko na yung bayad sa kuryente, tubig, bahay, padala sa pinas, transpo at pagkain e ang matitira sakin e pambili na lang ng yosi at isang fonecard, asan ang ipon ko? wala. Kaya nga ni pambili ng ticket pauwi e wala ako hehe.. May naitabi naman ako, pero kulang pa siyang ticket papuntang Europa.

Isang taon mahigit na ko dito, pero nahihiya akong lumapit sa amo ko at humingi ng increase sa sahod.. ewan ko ba! Pero kanina, habang nag-aayos ng dyaryo ng amo ko, nasulyapan ko ang classified. Mula nung napasok ako dito ay di ako naghahalungkat ng classified kasi nga parang pinaniwala ko ang sarili ko na okay na ko sa ganito. Pero out of the blue kanina e bigla siyang sumagi sa mata ko, at ang una ko kaagad nakita e opening para sa isang executive secretary ng GM! Usually naman deadma lang ako sa ganyan pero nung nakita ko yung sahod na inoo-offer nila, aba e napaisip ako.. 17,000aed? e wala pa sa 1/4 nun ang kinikita ko.. Imagine? 255,000php a month?

Feeling ko naman di ako qualified e, feeling ko kailangan nila e yung tipong sampung taon ng nagtratrabaho dito, tapos may MBA, tapos tipong US o UK educated, puti, hindi handwritten ang passport gaya natin, blah blah.. in other words e masyadong bigtime yung sahod para mapansin ang isang hamak na tulad ko! (pinulot ka lang sa lupa, bwahahaha!)

Pero malay natin... baka ma-type-an ako nung GM, gusto nya pala bata hehe. Kaya nagpasa ako ng resume! Ewan, basta nagtrip lang naman ako e. Di naman ako umaasa na masho-shortlist ako e. Basta kasi jologs yung resume ko (cv tawag nila dito). E pano kung napili ako? Diba?

At least wala akong what ifs, hehe!

Hmm.. ano nga kaya no? Hehe!

Dating an older guy...

I've dated older men before, like this British guy i used to go out with who's 4 years older than me, or that computer graphic artist who's like 3 years above my age. But my relationships with these guys never really worked out. The ones that last are those with guys younger or more or less my age. Like my 2 ex-boyfriends (both a year younger than me), the first one lasted for 9 months, the other for 2 1/2 years.

I used to think that my relationships with older guys don't work out bacause the age gap makes it hard for us to relate to each other, being from different generations. But then again, i was wrong, don't you just love it when your proven wrong? hehe..

Schmuck's older than me, as in way way older than me, he's 7 years older. We've been together for more than 4months (2months yung official hehe), and yet i don't see any problem. But who said anything about it being easy?

I now realized the difference between dating an older guy and a "mature" older guy. And me being a spoiled-rotten only child who's used to getting things my way, not to mention a used-to-be controlling bitch of a girlfriend (to my exes) and knows i can get away with anything just by using my charm or the teary-eyed paawa effect, damn it's really hard adjusting to this. (i can see schmuck now, laughing his guts out, he loves it when i make reklamo, that prick, hmmmp!)

Okay, what's the point of writing all this? I'm gloating.. hehe.. Teka, funny lang, i'm having a hard time, yet i'm not quitting. I'm not getting things my way, yet i'm staying. I'm not being spoiled, yet i'm still happy with schmuck's and i's relationship. HALA! Does that mean i'm starting to get a little more mature? Haha! (knowing schmuck, his reaction to this will be" "Yeah right, mature? You? Na-ah!)

Ano ba yan i lost track, back to my gloating.. it's really hard. We never fought that much, actually we more likely have what we both call civil disagreements. But if ever we have this shouting bouts, which is very rare talaga, there are only 2 topics we fought about. First is the "seeing each other a lot" issue. I'm used to being with my bfs most of the time, as in most of the time (well most girls are anyways), but he's not (with his preious gfs ha?). So we've agreed to just weekends together. I agreed half-heartedly hehe, i still try charming my way to see him during weekdays, but it doesn't work. He won't tolerate me hehe. I'm too spoiled already daw. This issue actually resulted to our first major away, which naulit pa ng pangalawa, but i'm not going for a strike 3 (if you know schmuck, you know what strike3 means). Ayaw na hehe. I'm starting to get used to it hehe..

Aside from this "seeing each other a lot" issue, the only other issue that starts our disagreements is when i crave for attention. I used to hate it when he's with me yet his mind's at work. But that i'm used to now, having a career-driven workaholic bf who's married to his work, i should better get used to being the mistress hehe.

But other than those 2 issues, we don't have any other problems. I am so thankful that he tries to understand me, kahit i'm being difficult most of the time. But i'm trying, and we both know this relationship will work out. It won't be easy, pero ganun e, we made this commitment to stay together, so no matter how difficult it could get, we must still try to put up with each other. Di pala dapat try, we should put up with each other pala. (yes you heard me right, put up is the right word)

Ayan, i remember some instances that somehow shows how schmuck is and why i still choose stay with him.

-When i ask him if he loves me, he'll said: Yes i love you and all your bad habits

-When he does something infuriating, and i say that i hate him, he thanks me, making it sound that hating him is a compliment. (i love and hate him at the same time)

-When he's so exhausted from work, he'll hug me tapos hingang malalim then say: Haaay inner peace!

But its not really what he says or what does that endears him to me. Those things are just bonuses. I just chose to stay coz i wanna stay I wanna stay coz i love him. And i love him coz i do, i don't know why, i just do.

Don't I look so pinay?

Tagalog mode ulit ako..

Sa 23 taon ng pamumuhay ko sa mundong ibabaw (yup sa ibabaw!), ni minsan di pumasok sa hinagap ko na ako ay hindi mukang pinay. Mula sa aking medyo may kalaparang ilong, aking di katangkarang height, di kaputian at kakinisang balat, basta over-all impact at audience impact pa, sure akong ako'y mukang pinay.

Pero sa mahigit isang taon kong paghuhukay ng langis sa disyerto ng Dubai, ilang ulit na akong napagkamalang ibang lahi, at minsan ng kapwa pinoy ko pa ha?

Eksena 1, Lokasyon: Office
May pumasok na pinay, naghahanap ng trabaho, inii-ingles ang beauty ko, e di sabi ko: "Ateng wala kaming vacancies." Nagulat ang kumare mo, marunong daw akong magtagalog, sabi ko na lang gaga pinay ako, kasi daw kala nya e Koreana.. Ganun?

Eksena 2, Lokasyon: Supermarket
Nasa isang asian section ako ng supermarket, naghahanap ako ng wasabe paste ng biglang may lumapit sa aking intisk at iniintsik ako, aba malay ko naman sa kanya.. e hindi pala marunong ng ingles kumare mo kaya, ngumiti na lang ako, sasabihin ko sana ching chang soo pancit bihon siomai canton.

Eksena 3, Lokasyon: Beach
Nagbibilad na mala-daing ang lola nyo (ako yun). Naka-two piece, naka-shades na retro na super fake (Cucci ang tatak wahaha), at nagbabasa ng libro. Isang tropa ng mga jologs, meaning mga limang lalaking naka-pahinante look (aka basketball jersey at shorts with matching reflector shades), medyo may kalakihan ang mga tiyan ang naka-spot sakin. Deadma ang sosyalerang bading pero na-overheard ang chismisan ng mga hip the lup (hiphop na amoy lupa).

Jologs 1: Pare? Tignan mo yung babae o.. Lapitan natin..
Jologs 2: Sira hindi ata pinay e. Pinay ba?
Jologs 1: Hindi koreana ata e.
Jologs 3: Hindi indonesian yan o malaysian
Jologs 2: Ayoko baka mamaya di pala pinay e.

Kasi naman pano iisipang pinay e madalang ang pinay na nagtwo-two piece, kaming mga nag-iinarte lang ang naggaganun sa bansang arabo, tapos nagbibilad pa e ang pinay takot sa araw at ayaw umiitim. Kaya ang daing na nagfe-feeling, nagpanggap na lang tulog.

Eksena 4, Lokasyon: Cafe Havana

Naghahapunan kami ng aking "bitter" half, tapos ang waiter na pinoy na nagseserve samin ay ingles ng ingles, deadma ako, kala ko ganun ang patakaran sa kanila e. Tinawag ko siya: "Kuya? Pakuha na po nung bill." Natameme ang lolo mo, sabay tanong kung pinoy kami, kasi daw ako mukang koreana tapos si schmuck naman mukang hapon. Kaloka!

Disclaimer: Hindi ako Chinese, Korean, Malaysian, Indonesian, Singaporean or Hapon. Ako ay Espanola! Si! Si! Me llamo Maria Graciela Carreon y Castro. Yo soy Andaluciano. Charing! Haha! Pangarap kong maging espanola, gusto kong tumira sa Mother Spain. Ay ang taray, pag pala nakatuluyan ko si schmuck super espanola-sounding ang pangalan ko.. Maria Graciela Segovia! Ang ganda! Parang nobility! Kung di man papampon na lang ko sa nanay nya para makuha ko yung apelyido nila, hehe.

Ramadan at ang Dakilang Tagatimpla ng Kape...

Nasa mood akong magsulat sa Filipino, para at least maligaw man ang amo ko sa blog ko e hindi nya maiintindahan yung sinulat ko tungkol sa kanya.

Teka maiba muna ko, mamaya na yung sa amo ko, kwento muna ko. Tagal ko ring di nagblog ah, kasi wala akong maisip na kablog-blog sa buhay ko lately, payapa siya masyado, at kadalasan ang payapang buhay ay hindi nagki-click sa takilya.

Ngayong araw ang simula ng ramadan. Nakakaloka sa dami ng bawal. Pero unahin natin ang magandang dulot ng ramadan. Isa-isahin natin:

Positibo:

-Mas maikli ang oras ng trabaho. Ang dating 8-5 ngayon ay 8-2 lang, mas maaga uuwi! hehe. Isang buwan na ganun, at buo ang sweldo!

- Walang masyado traffic sa umaga kasi ang mga govt. offices/bangko 9am ang pasok so di ko sila nakakasabay hehe..

-Tahimik ang kalsada

-Mababait ang mga lokal (arabo), di ka huhubaran ng tingin at bawal ngayon yun.. bawal sa kanila ang sex, bisyo (yosi at alak), kumain at uminom (from 5am-6pm), blah blah blah...

Negatibo:

-Bawal pahuli ng kumakain ka from 5am-6pm. So ayun at nagtatago pa ko para lang kumain at uminom. May biskwit ako sa bag ko na kinukurut-kurot ko, sabay takip ng panyo sa bibig hehe.

-Isipin mo kahit sa loob ng sarli mong sasakyan at nakita kang umiinom ng tubig e paparahin ka at magkita na lang tayo sa presinto, tsk tsk.

-Sarado ang mall maghapon, gabi na magbubukas, mga 5pm tapos bukas hanggang 3am hehe

-Bukas mga fastfood pero panay takeouts lang.

-Walang banda sa mga bars.

-Bawal magyosi sa labas, basta bawal kang makita na nagyoyosi.

-Bawal affection, ultimo holding hands bawal, nak ng tokwa schmuck magtitigan na lang tayo, hehe.

Ayan isang buwan yan, tapos sa Nov. 3-5 ay Eid Mubarak Holidays, so walang pasok at sandamakmak ang sale, goodluck sa akin at wala akong pera.

Balik tayo sa kwento tungkol sa amo kong koreano. Langya type ata ako, kaloka. Kasi pinatawag ako kanina, ano daw ba ang tingin ko sa paghahain ng kape sa kanya, akala ko naman dahil ramadan kaya siya nagtatanong so sabi ko, ok lang na magkape ka basta wag sa harap ng mga muslim. Pero hindi daw yun, ok lang daw ba na ako ang mag-serve ng kape nya at ng mga bisita nya, kasi gusto nya daw ako ang nagbibigay ng kape sa kanya. Bakit daw kasi yung office boy ang nagtimtimpla ng kape nya, e di sabi ko na yun ang trabaho nung office boy, nasa job description nya na magtimpla ng kape e, at minsan kapag ako ang nagtitimpla, nag-iinsist talaga siya na trabaho nya yun at siya ang magtitimpla, so fine, go, sayo na ang pantry! Ikaw na ang dakilang Starbucks. Pero wag ka, pinatawag ng amo ko ang office boy at sinabihan na kapag sa kanya, ako ang gagawa ng kape. Kaloka! Personal Secretary nya ko, tagagawa ng sulat nya, taga-ayos ng schedule nya, taga-book ng trips nya (flight at hotel), taga-ayos ng golf bookings nya, tagabayad ng tuition fee ng mga anak nya, taga-schedule ng doctor's/dentist's appointment ng mga bata, tagabayad bills nya, tapos ngayon pati kape nya ako pa? Gusto nya lagi ako nakikita e. Hmmm...

Tapos eto pa isa: Eto ang usapan namin kanina, tinagalog ko lang pero ingles dapat yan na putol putol, kasi nga koreano siya hehe.. G ay ako at MP ay si Mr. Park (hindi nya daw kaano-ano si Sandara):

G: Sir, pede ko bang i-avail yung bakasyon ko ngayon November, mga 10-15 lang..

MP: Bakit? Anong espesyal na okasyon?

G: Plano ko sir pumuntang Turkey?

MP: Para san? Business?

G: Hindi po, bakasyon lang.

MP: Sino kasama mo? BF mo?

G: Opo (ay tanga bakit ko sinabi)

MP: E papano airfare mo?

G: Sagot ko, mura lang naman di bababa ng 1000, ticket na saka hotel ng 3gabi

MP: Talaga? O sige pag nakuha mo na itenerary mo bigay mo sakin.

G: Bakit po?

MP: Gusto ko ring pumunta.

Hala yan, sasama pa ata ang mokong na singkit na to, bahala siya, sa arte nyang yun e ewan kung sumakay siya ng chartered flights at magstay sa 3star hotel. Basta ako lulubusin ko ang bakasyon na yun, mahigit isang taon na ko dito at kailangan na ng sistema ko ang bakasyon. Basta pag natuloy, una kong pupuntahan ang Hagia Sofia, tapos ang Topkapi Wall, pag may oras pa sa Troy na din at Euphesus. Balita ko malamig dun sa November, as in di daw kaya ng pacute kong mga jackets. Dapat siguro makapunta na ng Brands for Less at ng makabili ng thermal clothes hehe.

Ayan na nga bang sinasabi ko, tinatawag na ko, kape daw ulit! Arghhh!

Schmuck's Birthday Surprise

Yesterday was schmuck's birthday, and i cooked up a little surprise for the birthday boy. Luckily i'm off every Saturday and since he's at work, i'm free to plan and prepare the surprise.

So i first went to the grocery and bought all the stuff i'll be needing, then i headed to his flat and prepared everything before he comes home from work. So i cleaned up the house first, did his laundry, decorated the place, and prepared the dinner. Here are some pictures:

I filled his place with balloons, candles and rose petals. I also placed three roses and some more petals in his welcome rug. His reaction when he entered the room was overwhelming, i'll never forget that smile and that glow in his eyes.

Let me brag a little (sorry i can't help it hehe): for dinner we had mushroom soup first, then for the main course i prepared country fried steak with milk gravy and mashed potatoes, plus some baby carrots and corn as side dish. And what else is perfect with steak? Chilean read wine!

For dessert: tiramisu! I asked him to make a wish first before blowing the candles. Funny how he just stood there, eyes closed, concentrating hard on his wish. I took him like 30 seconds before he opened his eyes again, dami namang wish nun...

Goofing around after dinner hehe..

It turned out to be a happy birthday after all... Sabi nya, hehe.

I'm so vain! Ha! Women!

Yesterday, I realized how more than a year of no vacation and days of lack of sleep had affected my system. I saw how my hair started falling out and how split ends started invading my crowning glory. My usually manageable hair seems hard to control and my face started breaking out. I started having those cluster headaches and not to mention how my legs hurt lately. That was when i decided i needed a break..

So i called the salon and booked myself for 2hours of total relaxation. I got there at about 6pm. I took the package w/c includes hot oil and hair conditioning (for my falling hair), facial (for the breakouts and blackheads), and some manicure and pedicure (for my unshapely and disgusting nails). I also threw in a haircut to remove those split ends, and they gave me foot massage for free to ease my leg pains.

So by 630pm i was in the facial room, i was lying comfortably while my face was under a steamer, one lady is doing my manicure and the other my pedicure and foot massage. I was lulled to sleep by the relaxing ambience of the place as enya's voice drifts by the background. I was woken up when they started extracting my face. It's funny how i know i have low pain tolerance, yet i was able to endure the pain of pricking and extracting. Ah! Women and what they endure to achieve beauty!

I was thinking that the whole package will take only 2hours, so i still have ample time to do my long-forgotten laundry, but apparently they enjoyed giving the facial and my incessant blabbering that the facial itself took 2hours. No regrets whatsoever as i enjoyed applying makeup this morning for i believe that a good makeup lies on a smooth canvas, every artist knows that! Bwahaha!

After that, i was then treated to a haircut, hotoil and hairconditioning. There i was, contentedly sipping vanilla black tea which they had provided while i watch Bellydancing 101 at the monitor, as my hair gets processed under the steamer. So all in all, the supposedly two hour package took 4 1/2 hours. I went home feeling relaxed, fresh and pretty!

I told schmucky all about this salon experience and his reaction range from: "Well you deserve to be pampered" to "Women!" hehe. Well, i'm not like this most of the time anyways, my kikay mode only comes once in a blue moon. I was kidding him that i did it as i was jealous that he treated himself to a pair of Giorgio Armani eyeglass frames for his birthday that decided to treat myself too. (Vain!)

Funny how he told me to surprise him on his birthday. Hello? How the hell will he be surprised knowing that he asked for a surprise? He even said that he wants me to cook him a surprise dinner! Well the only surprise left there will be what i'll be cooking him, w/c is funny as he asked me to cook him some local Kapampangan dish i know. Ano ba yan! Surprise pa ba yun? Katawa!

I bought him a book for his bday which i gave in advance and i was reading at the moment haha.. What else can i get him other than his anticipated surprise? Hehe.

Scaring myself to death...

Everynight this past week, it's the same scenario for me: I'll read "The Historian"(i'm half way now), read until i'm too scared to go on, turned off the lights, contemplate on the possibility of a vampire getting inside my room (as my balcony doors doesn't have locks, but come to think of it, even if it does have locks what protection can it give me against something that can disguise itself as smoke?) and watch the shadows in the dark until my system shut down on its own.

Why do i still go on reading something that scares the wits out of me? Dunno actually, but i get satisfaction out of it. I remember reading Stephen King's "The Shining" in broad daylight, with people around me and yet i'm still terrified with it.

It's just odd that despite my love for horror/suspense novels, i never liked horror movies. I still prefer that subtle yet genuine scare that these books give me than that in-your-face "boo" that most movies give. With my books, i'm inside the characters' world... i can see what they can see, even the remotest gory detail, i can hear the sounds, from that silent whimpher to that deafening scream, but what scares me most is when i can smell the character's fears, when i can smell that pungent smell of decaying flesh and blood, or that intermingling scent of sweat and mud, as if i myself is there, experiencing it...

It's amazing how i can actually smell the dampness of a labyrinth or the mustiness of a tomb, how i can taste the salt in the air, or sense the movements in the dark. I can actually feel the hairs at the back of my neck standing as if i'm being followed or observed. I can hear all that activity in that busy Turkish street, i can hear merchants calling, i can smell the rich aroma of burning incense. Sometimes, i stop reading when the cries and shrieks of the helpless victims are too much for me.

Tonight, i'll be back in Vlad's world again. I can't wait to smell the old world mustiness again, and hear the terrifying cries of the gypsies... Maybe i should put some garlic by my bedside tonight (i already have a crucufix under my pillow).

Is Dumbledore really dead?

I saw this link at apoltree's blog, checked it out and actually got me thinking... Is DD really dead?

I dunno, the site didn't really convinced me yet but it kinda increased my doubts.

I'll just have to wait for book 7 then..

PC Gaming, Schmuck's sis, and other things..

I used to play PC games back home, but eversince i got here, i wasn't able to get back to it, as first, i don't have a PC here and second, they don't have it in pirated here hehe, so it's kinda expensive.

But recently, a friend left me his PC, and as we still don't know when he'll be back, he said i can use it for the meantime. So the other day, schmuck and I bought CivilizationIII and Sims2 hehe..

Why Civ3 and Sims2? I can only play games wherein i can use the mouse for basic controls and movements, plus i only play turn-based games. Dunno, maybe my motor skills are too slow to use the keyboard for controls, or my hand-eye coordination is poor. Haha, plus with turn-based games i don't get "taranta" when enemies are attacking, hehe. I can still remember how i used to get disoriented when i "tried" playing warcraft and battlerealms and see various places in my signalling red meaning i'm being attacked. And how i always die playing role playing games as i can't move my fingers fast enough to make the character run, jump, crouch whatever. So i ended up playing what i call "games for the fainthearted" haha. Or i play them but arrange the settings for it not to have enemies haha! where's the fun in that? Well, i get satisfaction with just building my own kingdom hehe..

But once i was able to finish an RPG game, but i imported a strong character so no matter how many enemies attack, i still survive wehehe.. What a cheater! Hehe!

I love Sims a lot. I used to have all the expansion packs back in my old PC at home. But i was already here when they launched Sims2 so its my first time to play it, and yeah i spent more than an hour already just customizing my character hehe.

Schmuck's also excited about it, i bet he'll be spending most of his after officehours time at my place now. It's okay, I still have "the historian" to keep me busy while he play, i still believe that my love for Vlad's (Dracula) is far greater that any PC game around hehe..

But i'm at cheatcc.com now, you know why haha!

* * *
Funny how lately I want to do so many things at the same time hehe, i'm catching up on books na i still haven't finished reading, then i'm learning HTML pa, then PC games pa to keep me occupied, and lately i have decided to refresh my Spanish. Why? You just never know, i might go there one of these days hehe.

***
Little wolf's (schmuck's younger sis) blog entry made me smile this morning hehe. I haven't met her yet (or any of his siblings for that matter), it's only their mom that i've met. I've heard a lot of kwento from schmuck about his sibs and i really want to get to know them someday. Growing up as an only child and forever wishing for a sibling, i would love to have people that i can consider as my siblings too (hopefully it'll end up that way hehe). I was kinda worried at first on how they will react once they found out that i am only slightly older than their youngest sib. But schmuck says it's ok, he keeps on reassuring me that his sibs will like me and will be protective of me once they get to know me (i'm keeping my fingers crossed hehe). And nga pala, i might meet his parents this eid as they might spend the ramadan holidays here.

Turkey! Here I Come!

This morning, I received a SMS from my dear friend (hey is this a secret? i wanna mention your name hehe) informing me that her application for Schengen visa got approved, lucky lucky girl! Her company is sending her to Germany for an assignment, hay, some people are just born lucky. Well, even if she's just going there for a vacation, and without the company's backing, i think she'll get the visa. She had travelled a lot, she'd been to China, Bangkok, well Asian countries that is. But unlike me whose passport was a clean slate except for the Dubai stamp (i don't even have a Kish stamp, like most OFW's here), i really think i will be denied.

But that is unless i do something about it! So i want to really "beautify" my passport as soon as possible so the next time i apply for a UK or Canada visa then it will be a "APPROVED", wehehe.

I have been surfing the net the whole afternoon checking out packages. I initially checked Egypt, but i decided that can wait. Next I saw Greece, arghhh cruise ship thru Mykonos, blah, blah, too expensive, that can wait. Then... Turkey! Ah perfect! I'm still not sure if i'll go for a week-long package, but i asked them to quote me a package for like 3-4days only which will include Istanbul, Troy and Ephesus. Tomorrow they said i'll receive the email quoting the package's price!

I'm planning to do it this Eid holidays... yey! who want's to join me? tara!

My Priorities...

Lately i've lost track of my priorities, not actually lost track as they are still all there, but somehow they got mixed up, meaning by hierarchy as some which is on the top of the lsit should not be there. So i had a raincheck last night (thanks schmuck for pointing them out) so now i'm back on track...

Things to accomplish: (not in proper order as they interlap)
1. Learn HTML
2. Learn Photoshop
3. Learn Flash (not really imeediate)
4. Finish all my pending readings (the stand, vanity fair, the historian, viajero, those by abet ocampo's, etc.)
5. Get back to writing short stories
6. Put up a website (for my short stories
7. Get back to photography (but not as serious as riel's)
8. Save (for a planned trip (i'm going solo) to Egypt or Turkey this December to get inspirations and locations for my novels)
9. Travel more (this will depend on no.8) to "beautify" my passport so getting visas to other countries and possibly migrating will be easier... hay the problem with being Pinoy you cannot go places easily...

So far that's it, going back home can wait, but don't get me wrong as i really miss you all badly but i have to be practical and follow the dictates of my sane mind. haha!

And don't worry, Schmuck is not forgotten, he'll be in between all these haha.. whenever our schedules permit it..

I can't put "The Historian" down... check it out guys, it's about Vlad the Impaler, the inspiration behind Dracula.

Updates you want, so updates it is...

Riel had been asking me why i haven't updated my blog for the longest time, just a little busy i guess. Anyways here's a list of what's been happening and might happen in my life that had somehow kept me busy, occupied, and blah blah blah! (in other words, excuses) hehe..

- Last 15th August i celebrated my 1 year in this company, so my bosses decided on taking me out to lunch, we ate at China Times in Intercontinental Hotel, and i get to ride in my boss' Cadillac STS! Sweet! They gave me a little cash as gift hehe.. so because of that i need to make sipag-sipagan, therefore no excessive blogging na muna the past week..

- I wanna change my blogskin again kaya most of my free time i spent surfing blogskins.com for the perfect skin.

- New boss arrived, so i'll be assisting not only the GM and the Regional Manager as i used to, now i'll also be the utusan of the Senior Manager, so therefore added workload yet no increase in my salary.. haayy..

- I been thinking of learning web design for the longest time and have finally decided to push through with it. I will buy "web design for dummies" later hehe..

- I'm getting a little fat, i'm having a hard time deciding what to wear each morning as my old clothes are getting tight now. Still in dilemma as they say i look better with a little laman yet i can't buy new clothes with my budget right now so the more feasible option is to lose weight again. Arghh! And yeah schmuck's gaining weight too hehe..

- This morning my boss gave me a copy of the picture he had taken of me, remember my previous post wherein i told you about photography as his new hobby. Well, the picture's not bad, i'll post it soon as my scanner is still busted..

- Schmuck and I will be officially one month now on Friday (officially, though we've been together for like three months hehe).. galing! Schmuck? Looking forward to a lifetime of love, inner peace and happiness with you..

There, and you know what, it's getting more presko na, maybe winter will be here earlier than the last time. And i have read from 7days tabloid that the Labor Ministry will remove the 6months ban soon, so that means i can actually look for a higher paying job and resign without worrying about getting banned! Wahooo! That goes for you too schmuck. If that news is true, then we can actually go ahead with our plans of leaving this f***ed up country earlier than planned. Yeah! Keeping my fingers crossed..

just playing with a new html trick i've learned hehe

Tagging

I was tagged by boy toge so...

1. What are the things you enjoy doing when there's no one around you?

- Try clothes on

- Read books

- Write

- Self abuse (kidding) hehe..

2. What lowers your stress/blood pressure/anxiety level?

- being with schmuck

- cooking

- friends

- a hearty laugh

Ok, since I need to tag somebody (daw) so, I'm tagging balarns , apol tree , and riel

My Cooking Disaster

Let me start by saying this: I can cook! And i really believe that i cook well.

With that said, let me tell you guys what happened this past weekend. Let's just say i did something childish so schmuck was a little mad at me (but we're ok now). So i decided i'll make it up to him that weekend and make him dinner. I wanted him to see my effort to please him so i decided to cook laing which is his favorite. Since i've never cooked laing before, i asked a friend how to make it then figured that since i can cook basically anything, then this would be an easy task for me.

So left the place like 10AM to buy ingreadients, went to Choitram's (Bur Dubai) first but the taro leaves proved to be a hard find. So they told me that I can buy them at Karama. So off to the bus stop, which is mind you not a very happy walk as it was a scorching 35'C then, plus buses going from Bur Dubai to Karama was kinda scarce (or was it? maybe only that day..)

So I was able to get the ingredients, but i bought coconut milk in cans as it'll be hard to look for grated coconut here (there are freshly grated ones but walking to where they sell those is not in my agenda (again: it's so f***king hot!).

So with my ingredients in tow, i went back to my place, it was like 11:30am already then, prepared everything and started cooking. We'll it started out fine, but when i have finished adding up everything, i looked at what i had made and that was when i realized something's wrong. I remember schmuck saying before that he wanted his laing dried and oily, coz as the coconut milk dries up, it releases oil or something. But mine doesn't look oily at all, well it won't dry up, it's still swimming in coconut milk, so i thought okay a few more minutes in fire will actually dry it up, but after minutes of cooking, it's still not dry, it was creamier now, no actually it's pasty.. but not dry. I ended up overcooking it, arghhh..

Anyways, dinner time came, i brought my laing to schmuck's place, cooked him porkchops to eat with it. While waiting for him, i developed a terrible headache which i think was brought about by overly thinking about what his reactions to the laing will be, plus i think i kinda dehydrated myself cooking in a non-airconditioned kitchen for 2hours.

Schmuck came, schmuck ate... We'll he said it actually taste good (i believe he was sincere when he said that), he doesn't care if it's pasty, it's just that there's something missing, a certain "zing" as he calls it. Turned out after further deliberation that he's looking for the spicy "zing" of ginger which i didn't know is one of the things you put in laing.

We'll at least he ate it and even packed some for his lunch the next day. But i know the next time i try my hand at this laing, it'll gonna be perfect, just as long as schmuck will manually get the milk from the grated coconuts for me. Actually schmuck and I cook better together, we prepared the perfect pan-fried salmon with lemon butter sauce last thursday hehe..

(note: us after eating dinner, hehe.. why that face schmuck? hehe)

Captured moment..

I've been seeing my boss carrying his new camera lately. Not those small digital ones but the big ones used by photographers, with interchangeable lens, and tripod and all those technical stuff.

So i thought maybe he's taking photography as a hobby.

Now, in our office, the network printer is in my cubicle so whenever my boss prints something, i have to deliver it to him. So this afternoon, he printed a document, and when i entered his office to place the printed documents on his desk, i saw him with his camera in his hand, right there ready to take my picture!

I hurriedly left the documents in his desk and run so he was not able to take my picture.

But no! He printed something again, so i have to go in his office again, and there he was again poised to take my picture, so i looked at him with a questioning look, asking why he's doing it. I know i was half smiling as i was feeling a little shy and at the same time finding the situation funny.

Then i heard the shutter...

Hope he got a nice angle haha!

Who stole my sunshine?!

Woke up today wondering why the sun is not coming in through my balcony... "It's 6am already, or is it?" I rushed out of bed to open the balcony's sliding door. "Hmm.. moist in the glass, is it winter already?" I looked outside through the smoky glass. The sky is bleak, it's windy as i see a lady passing by try getting hold of her abaya (long black dress worn by arab ladies) as it was being tousled by the wind. It appears to be smoky outside, "Could that be fog now? It's only August!".

Intrigued, I hurriedly opened up the door, and what a big surprise it is (or is it really?) when a hot gush of air poured in the room.

Hay, turned out the dampness in the glass door was moisture caused by the hot air outside reacting with the cold glass as my AC had been working fulltime the whole night. Yup it's windy but mind you the air was more like the ones that comes out of my hair dryer. It's not really foggy, it's high humidity and sandstorm that caused the bleakness outside.

Well, two to three more months and winter will soon be here. And my indicator for it will be not those weather forecasts but seeing changes in display windows as they showcase their winter collection haha. (women!) Oh! Can't wait to see what colors will be in this winter? Hope black browns and purples again. Haha!

But as for now, I just have to learn to be tolerant of this weather. Why, at least i can wear those nice boho skirts and halter tops (that is if schmucky will let me hehe). Hay!

Hope the sky clears up soon, i miss my sunshine..

Just another post...

Yeah, took me a while to post something here, riel had been asking where my updates are, so is boy okoy, and lil_hon pa. It's not that i've been busy, dunno, just too elated lately to put something here other than i'm happy, i'm so elated, blah, blah, blah.. that would be overly redundant.

What's new about me? Uhmm, same old, same old. Still with my schmuck, here's our pic so you'll finally get to see this endearing schmuck who initially picked my brain, and eventually brought me back my soul. And yup he still picks my brain and give me those headaches i love having.

And yeah, i've finally found a new flat, moved in yesterday, damn, accomodations here are too expensive. The amount i'm paying for the bedspace was bigger than the money i'm sending back to my mom. But it's pretty much okay, big room, balcony, attached bath, only two of us in the room, 5 of us all in all in the whole flat, has cable TV (at last), no curfews, good location.. good enough. I'll post a pic of my room after i cleaned it up hehe..

I'll be one year in this office this 15th, boss told me he'll throw me a party, why can't he just give me a raise.. That i need.

My days start with checking everyone's blogs, i enjoy reading out on how's everyone's doing. Like: riel's sudden ideas on things and how she turns those normal happenings in our lives into something bloggable (new word! hehe), then there is lil_hon's day to day rantings about her sleepless nights and information overload (don't worry dear, praying for your board..), then there's blackout's blog, filled with little snippets of her (acads, love?!) life (miss that girl so much). I also check out frequently on boy okoy's very trivial and complicated life which i will not elaborate on as he will kill me if i do (arghh hard keeping my mouth shot..), then balarns tagboard haha, i love reading the exchanges there, And good thing telle's back blogging. Eyang's blog makes me water, really delicious template wehehe. We'll schmuck's too busy to actually update his blog, and then there's more of ye's rantings (office related usually hehe). I even read schmuck's sister's blog (is that possible? double possessive?). Dunno if she even knows i blog, i just chanced upon her blog one time, and i actually enjoyed reading her posts.

It's really getting hot here in Dubai now, the other day was 50'C, that and sandstorms.. hay. It's too hot to go out now, i miss the beach.

It's funny how schmuck & i never fight, we have disagreements sometimes about my childish ways (hehe, I can't help it, i'm only 23, and a spoiled only child hehe). But our arguments are more like civil sharing of opinions rather than an all-out shouting fight. We've learned to understand each other's ways that we've learned to compromise and meet halfway. We adjust, but we never change each other. We need not express feelings in words, perks of us having the ability to read each other's thoughts just by looking at each other's eyes. Enough of this, getting mushy hehe..

Anybody out there who can help me a find a way to access my friendster account? The friendster site had been banned by the UAE's network provider, along with other sites which i still don't see their point for banning them. Help?? Anyone??

Finally... I'm home.

It's official!

The search is over, i'm finally home.

The triangle's perfect, the balance's now back.

This is it! I'm not letting him go anymore...

No chance! haha!

We'll, as schmucky said: It's worth the wait!

Schmuck? Thanks for bringing Grace back.

The Chapters End... Finally.

Author's Note: I have deleted chapters 1-3 from my previous posts and instead posted them here , together with the remaining parts as one story. Finally, Sid's story comes to an end. Forgive me for any mistake or literary inadequacy and too much drama for i have not written Sid's story for anyone. I have written it for myself alone, to get the closure that i need. And after typing "the end" at the last part... i can't help but smile as it had finally served its purpose. I did not wrote this story per se, my heart did. I hope you enjoy reading Sid's story, comments still welcome.

*****

(Disclaimer: Characters, events, and some situations are not based on anything in real life. If it may have resembled any aspects at present, please accept my apology as everything was just the product of the author's mind, heart and soul.)

*****

She doesn’t know what to expect. Sid wiped her sweaty palms as her steps take her to that spot. It was more than a year since she had last seen that place, since she had last seen him. She was anxiously anticipating this moment yet at the same time dreading it.

“Well, maybe he won’t show up.”, unintentionally speaking out her mind loudly that it startled her when he heard that familiar voice she knows too well.

“I’m really planning on not showing up, but maybe this will finally clear things up.”

She need not turn as she’ll always recognize that voice, it had been haunting her in her dreams the past days. But it wasn’t the same anymore, it had lost its tone of tenderness. It sounded cold with a tinge of bitterness. There was finality in it.

“Then, you should not have…“, Sid was not able to finish her vain attempt for a catty comeback for as she turned to face him, finally seeing him again, she was caught unaware by the sweeping emotions that overwhelmed her.

Realizing what had happened, she quickly regained her composure for she doesn’t want to betray herself. Then she thought she saw something familiar in those dark brown eyes. But it was soon gone, replaced by his steely gaze.

-----

She finally let the tears she’d been holding back fall as she walks away from that place. She had prepared herself for this meeting and had thought of the worst scenario that could take place, but being there again with him brings too many memories that it didn’t prepare her for what she felt.It was bittersweet for her. The pain that she thought had long left her had again came drowning her back. Despite her constant denials, she knows deep inside that she wants him back. But it’s too late.

“Or was it?”, she thought. She wiped away her tears and walked away, a small smile forming at the corner of her mouth as the memories of their happy past came back to mind.

-----

He’s been staring blankly at his laptop’s screen for a long time now. He stood up to get himself another cup of coffee, his fourth since arriving that evening after seeing Sid. Realizing that his attempt to finishing his thesis proposal that night will be fruitless, he hit the laptop’s off button, snapped close the lid and went to his dorm’s veranda.

“Why did I even bothered seeing her again?”, he asked himself as he lights another stick of Marlboro’s, reds as Sid prefers. He watched the smoke rise up to the night sky, it was a quiet night, just like the nights they used to spend together at that same veranda a long time ago, long before he started hating her.

He was really looking forward to seeing her that evening as he wanted her to see how much he hates her, how much he despises her. He has succeeded, he knows it as he saw how Sid tried her best to control her tears, she fought hard not to let her emotions show, but she cannot hide her emotions from him, that they both know.

He took another drag from his nearly finished Marlboro’s, tossed it out of the veranda and lit another one. Something happened during that meeting, something he never anticipated. The moment Sid faced her, seeing her again for the first time; all of the hatred and bitterness that he had been harboring inside dissolved right away. He was completely taken by surprise by that sudden surge of unwelcome emotions that he knows that there was a moment there that his icy façade cracked for an instance, but he was able to recover fast. He was just hoping that Sid never noticed this tiny slip, as he does not want to be the loser again. Never.

-----

Sleep won’t come to Sid either that night, she’s been tossing and turning, trying to let sleep just drown away all her thoughts. But sleep was pretty elusive to her. Irritated, she got up from bed, went to the kitchen and fetch herself some chardonnay. She took another pack of ciggies from the newly opened ream of Marlboro’s, reds as she never smokes anything else. Quite contented with having her two luxuries at hand, she gave in to the temptation and thought of Jess again.

She and Jess were engaged before. They have been together for more than a couple of years and have plans of settling down already. They were each other’s bestfriends. They were soulmates. Those two years together was bliss for them. No worries, no troubles. Not until that faithful day when Sid’s papers suddenly arrived, she’ll be leaving for the States in two weeks.

Sid never really wanted to leave, she can’t imagine life without Jess, life away from Jess. She can still clearly recall how Jess persuaded her to take that opportunity given to her:

“Don’t let that chance just pass you by, baby. Imagine how much easier life will be for you, for us, if you’ll get a job there.”

“But that will be too far, I’ll miss you… I mean, we’ve never really been away from each other for that long. What if it didn’t work out for us?”

“It will baby. I’ll just finish up my degree and be with you there in no time. We can build a nice future for us there together and at the same time you can finally give your parents the luxury to retire and just stay in the country..”

Seeing everything on the practical side, Sid half-heartedly agreed. She was half-hoping Jess would stop her, but he didn’t. Thinking it’ll be better for both of them. She left two weeks later. As the plane leaves the tarmac, she took one last look outside, she’s leaving everything that matters to her behind, with that in mind… she cried.

-----

She wiped of her tears, smiling a bitter smile as she recalls the past. It still amazes her how something that had happened years ago can still be so fresh, so vivid… so painful. She refilled her glass with wine and was quite surprised to see that she had almost drained the whole bottle.

She aproached the window by the sink. Looked at the stars outside, not knowing that at that same moment, Jess is staring at the same vast sky. “He still hates me.”, she mumbled, remembering how cold he had been when they met this afternoon.

“First day back home. Oh well, what a nice welcome it is..”, saying her thoughts out loud that it startled her a bit. Her plane landed early that morning, it had been two years since she had left Jess. She had sent him an email, telling him she’s coming back and that she wants to see him. She’s not sure if Jess will be there, she wasn’t even sure if he’ve read the email, but she went to their spot anyway.

She just brought her luggages back home, gave her parents a ring to inform them that she’s back, and told them she’ll be down by the farm the next day. She took a quick shower, and was planning to take a short nap, but as her body clock has not yet adjusted; she decided to have a trip back memory lane before seeing Jess again.

She went to each of the places that she and Jess have frequented before, remembering how beautiful and peaceful life was then. But the old places that she remembered were not the same anymore. She had held their memories in her mind when she left,thinking that when she comes home again, those places will still be there, as her memories have preserved them, waiting for her return. But they are not the same anymore, they have changed as Jess feelings for her had changed over time. It was then that she realized she had nothing there waiting for her anymore.

-----

The sky was overcast. It had been that way for days since he and Sid had met. It seems as if everything around him reflects the gloominess that he had been feeling lately. He was sitting again by that spot where he and Sid met a few days back. He just needed to get back there, he wants to remember, and eventually to forget.

A cold breeze blew out of nowhere, giving off a kind of chill that seems to reach the inner recesses of his soul, further shrouding it with grief. He can’t help but recall how fragile and vunerable Sid was that day, bravely putting up a façade of calmness against his cold and bitter blows. But he knows her too well, he knows how hard it must have been for her, fighting a battle that she had long lost to. Being there again, he can still vividly recall that faithful meeting…

“I’m really planning on not showing up, but maybe this will finally clear things up.”, he retorted when he heard Sid unknowingly spoke her mind out loud again, one of Sid’s traits that he finds so amusing.

“Then you should not have…”, was Sid’s somehow surprised remark.

He looked her in the eyes; he can see all her pain inside, yet he continued acting out his icy role. “You’re right, maybe I shouldn’t have gone here, but I cannot let this opportunity pass, seeing little Ms. Sid again, letting her realize how much I loathe her.”

It was too late when he realized what he had just said, he cannot take it back anymore. So he just continued playing his part. “Plus I wanted to give you that closure that you’ve been asking for.”, he added.

She was expecting him to hate her, but hearing it directly from him, seeing how much he despised her, it seems something inside her that had tried all this time to continue living and hold on just died.

“I wanted to explain myself to. I didn’t came back to beg you to take me again, I will not stoop that low. I know I have done something wrong but I do not deserve such hate and anger, Jess.”, Sid replied, trying all her might to control the tears from falling.

“Explain yourself? Why Sid, what is there to explain? You had betrayed me, and I can never forgive you for that.”

“Betrayed you? When I never loved anyone else except you all this time? It was only you that I had loved all these years, and you know it.”, was Sid’s feeble attempt to air her side.

“Then how do you classify kissing someone else? Doesn’t it fall under betrayal?”

Sid doesn’t know how to explain herself anymore. It was true that she had kissed someone else. She had hated herself for doing it, and cannot find any explanation that is good enough to defend her act. It happened during her first three months away from Jess. She is missing him badly; she was still jobless that time, no friends yet and was quite desperate. It was then that she had met Tim; he was very much like her old friends back home. He’s witty, he’s sweet and he understands her.

They eventually became friends, he likes Sid and Sid knows it. But she’ll never love anyone else except Jess. It was hard for Sid to be away from all those people that mattered so much to her, and Tim played all that part. He was her friend, her brother, her fan, and sometimes even her shopping mate. Sid loves Tim, but never more than a friend.

Jess on the other hand got busy with school. His calls, emails and messages lessened, yet Sid tried her best to understand him. But this is the time when Sid needs him the most, yet he wasn’t there. It was Tim who’s always there.

Then one day, while Tim and Sid was enjoying a conversation by the beach; he suddenly leaned over and kissed her. She, on the other hand, shocked by Tim’s actions just sat there and kissed him back. It took her a few seconds to realize what she had done. She pulled away from Tim and ran away.

Sid cried all night, she knows she had betrayed Jess. She had played everything again and again on her mind and no matter on what angle she looks at it, it will still be betrayal staring back at her.

She doesn’t know why she kissed Tim back, maybe she just wants to try it, or she needed it, but she was sure of one thing, there was no love in it. For she knows she will never love anyone else but Jess.

She cannot carry the guilt inside her for long; she called up Jess and told him everything. And that’s when it all ended. Her soul died that day.

“What now?”, Jess said, waking Sid up from her trail of thoughts. “Come on Jess, don’t tell me you’ll still insist on it. It came from you, you kissed someone else, and you think that’s not betrayal?”

Sid knew that she have to leave soon. She cannot play her part anymore, and she can feel her eyes stinging now, a sign that any moment now, the tears she’d been holding back will fall. She looked Jess straight in the eyes and said:

“I know betrayed you, I’m sorry, and will forever carry that guilt inside me. But I hope you know deep inside that I never loved anyone except you, Jess. And up to now, I still do.”

Having said that, she ran away and let the tears she’d been holding back fall.

-----

A drop of water fell on his head, bringing him back to the present. He was still there, seated by that spot, thinking about Sid. Rain started falling, but he never left his spot. He finds the gentle rain comforting, as if it was washing all the hatred and pain inside him. He just sat there and waited until he wasn’t hurting anymore.

The rain finally stopped. Jess looked up as he saw the sun now coming out again after hiding in the clouds for days. He gaze at everything around him and marvel at how the sunlight seems to transform them, removing all traces of gloominess that had enveloped them these past days.

Jess finally stood up, he felt better, it seems as if all the hatred inside him was washed away by the rain. He thought about Sid again as he slowly walked away. He had forgiven her finally. He still loves her, but they both know it will never be the same, that it will just be better to walk away and move on. He looked ahead of the path, it seems that everything there are brighter and beaming with life. With renewed spirits, he walked away.

-----

It had been three weeks, her vacation’s over. Her flight is scheduled to leave that night. With all her things packed, she was ready to go, but not until she had gotten her closure.

She went back that spot again. She sat by that rock, not knowing it was the same rock where Jess had finally achieved the closure and peace of mind he needed. She sat there for a long time, taking in all of the past that she can take with her. She loves Jess and will always will. But it is just now that she realized that he and Jess were never meant to be. Fate wants her somewhere else, and she knows this is not that place.

Then she stood up, take one last look around, as if trying to take a picture of it all in her mind so that she can preserve it.

Then she walked away, never to return again. A single tear fell from her; she knows that’s the last one she’ll ever shed for Jess. She wiped it with the back of her hand as a tiny smile suddenly began forming in her face.

THE END

Some more blabbering...

Hay... Life’s good, never better!

The past week was one hell of a ride. It’s like riding a roller coaster. No control over things, everything moving too fast, yet its fun and exhilarating. But mind you, I never felt scared. Funny but I feel overwhelmingly relaxed. It’s like someone else up there is in charge of me, of “us” for that matter…

I’m happy nowadays… I’ve found happiness again, hehe… I want the whole world to know how happy I am! Why I’m happy? Hmmm… I’ll tell you soon. But as for now, I still need to finish up Sid’s story…
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By the way, finished reading HP book 6, yup I know it took me a while, we’ll I’ve been pretty busy lately… After reading book 6, I can’t help but wonder how many pages book 7 will be…

And I like Ginny, that spunky girl! She’s got character…
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I still haven’t found a flat… Hay… I can’t afford a studio flat on my own anyways… But I’m not worried, as everything is falling into place for me, my ducks in a row finally beyond reach, my triangle almost balanced, why the hell should I worry…
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I don’t know what good I’ve done to deserve all these things lately. For someone who’s done every conceivable bad thing in the world, God has been so kind to me. To my main man up there… thanks!

Random thoughts again...

I can't stop smiling today, i look goofy hehe.

And hanna, yup the shopaholic series is nice, i'll buy you some when i get back there.

Where the hell is Izay anyways?

Hmmm.. Guys, I might not go home this December anymore, something came up so i'll be home most probably May.

I'll be a wandering homeless soul by the end of the month and still haven't found myself a flat. But surprisngly i'm not pressured at all.. I feel very relaxed lately. It seems everything is just falling into place...

I'll be finishing the story of Sid soon... I need the closure. I'm finally moving on. :)

Schmuck put up his own blog finally, welcome schmucky! Your beloved liar? Why that's flattering coming from my endearing asshole...

Ria dear what the hell did you do to my pic? must be bored that time ayt? Hehehe!

I want my new flat's walls painted orange and chocolate brown... damn i badly want to decorate a friend's flat.. those white empty walls are just so tempting... hehehe..

Isn't it nice when loved ones of people you love also loves you? When you need not impress them yet they adore you? Hay... And mind you these guys are critical, witty and can see through you... that's why i am so overwhelmed by everything hehe...

You really cannot stop fate... 'nuf said.

My mom called me yesterday because she had dreamt that i was home. Come to think of it, the real grace is coming back.. she's coming home finally. Hay moms and motherly instincts...

Headache starting at the right side of my brain... the emotional side. Must be brought about by all these overwhelming emotions. Love having headaches like this.

I'm still smiling! And khoi? please stop smirking hehe..

I want that shirt! Bwahahahaha!

Ria & I was out last night.. i thought i deserve some relaxation as my previous days were pretty draining, plus most of my day yesterday was spent outside, and damn it was really getting hot again here.

So i went to Burjuman, spent my afternoon having brekkie and vanilla latte at Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, snugly seated at the cafe's couch, "Shopaholic Goes Abroad" by Sophie Kinsella on my hand.. Ooohhh.. perfect bliss..

After that we decided to window shop and we saw this pretty fascinating blouse from Guess.. it was a white spaghetti-strapped thing, with the perfect red print in the middle.. the print was what caught our attention and boy! we really wanna buy it, but its AED140, which is like a PHP2,100.. hehe..

As you see it was really expensive, but we really love what what's printed in it.. you wanna know what? the blouse says:

"HOTTER THAN YOUR GIRLFRIEND!"

Would have loved wearing that when i get back home, LOL!! kidding..

ps. ei ria, we should have taken its pic.. arghh! and ei send me a copy of the photos we took at coffee beans ha? il post it here..

Arghhh!

Damn!

I created a new entry this morning, and i really loved what i have written, then something happened to our network, then there goes my entry! i can't compose it the same way i had written it e.. arghhh...

too bad, its about the movie "A Lot Like Love"..

We'll see..

With regards to my previous blog (missing home), i've mentioned this:

"then when i've cried it all out, i'll stand up, take one last look around.. and leave. with that, i know i can really start anew."

you know what? i'm not really that sure about this, we'll see. i can't say i hope so coz right now i know deep inside (despite my jellyfishing ways) that i'm not hooking up with someone because i still don't know what will happen when we see each other again.

i know he's happy (and i'm happy for him) and that i know for a fact that we're over.. but my decision will be based on how things will turn out on that faithful december day..

my decision will only be either:

go ahead with my life and welcome what exciting stuffs it has to offer (hopefully in a foreign land hehe.. spain?! lol) and maybe marry any of my gay bestfriends in the US, lol..

OR

go ahead with my life and look forward to the day when our paths will cross again (but while that bend on the road seems a little far off, i'll enjoy the scenery around me in the meantime, lol!)

see? life's good.. whatever path i choose, i know there's still reasons to smile at the end..

but in the meantime, while december is like 6 months away, i think i'll go jellyfishing hehe.. (and shopping for pasalubongs nga pala! lol)..

**thought for the day from schmuck: "every morning i ask myself" (yup that's it.. lol.. weird no?)

Missing home..

i miss home.. not the place where i grew up.. but the only place i have felt at ease, safe and loved..

i miss the smell of the of the morning dew and the freshly cut grass as i make my way to my early morning class.. (having taho and ciggie for brekkie, hehe)

i miss sunday afternoons.. when the oval is closed.. and the road is covered with dried acacia leaves.. i can walk freely in the middle of the road.. not minding anything.. just me caught up in my own reality..

i miss rainy days there, when classes are suspended, i'll just curl up in bed, a good book in my hand and go places..

i miss seeing the sunflowers in the university ave during summer.. standing proud under the midday sun.. welcoming everyone as they pass by..

i miss my little thinking spot, that water tank by the sunken garden, near the library.. i remember going there, sitting in that spot everytime i feel bad. I remember this one time that i really felt depressed, i sat there that afternoon, it's a wednesday, not that many people around.. i sat and i cried 'til i can't cry anymore, then a gentle breeze blew, and the tree above me shed its tiny leaves.. tons of tiny leaves falling gently around me.. it's magical.. i felt better that day..

yup i miss that place a lot, and how it makes me feel. lots of good memories there, that thinking about the place still brings a smile (or tears sometimes) in my face.

i'll be back soon.. i'll walk by the old paths, rekindle the past, reminisce the good times, i'll think of you, i'll think of us and how we used to be, then i'll seat again by that water tank, cry all my tears (i sometimes thought that i've cried enough but i know there still more inside that i can only release when i'm there), then when i've cried it all out, i'll stand up, take one last look around.. and leave.

with that, i know i can really start anew.

but as for now, all i can think of is coming home.

Scattered thoughts...

* Changed my blog title.. I like this one better.
* Schmuck read this blog last weekend, sent me a sms saying "it's like you're talking to an imaginary friend.. Like reading a conversation by big bird and snuffy!" HMMMP!
* Am i really just imagining things? Haha! I'm turning into a schizo!
* Men are like jellyfishes.. They float by.. You notice them, You thought they're harmless with their squishy and fragile-looking bodies, but when you geat near.. THEY STING!
* But now that i know that jellyfishes sting, i know that i should not let my guard down anymore. I'll carefully catch them then place them in water tanks, play with them, then throw them back to sea when i got tired of them.. (hmmm.. the bitch in me is coming out)..
* Wonder where this bitchiness is coming from.. Bitter? Haha!
* Schmuck's putting up his owm blog to counter mine..
* Was able to open my friendster the other day, yup it's banned here in the UAE except in some freezone areas.. was able to open mine in simon's office.. Can't help it, I checked his account, I just need to see how he's doing..
* Someone i know died.. Rest in peace Egay..
* Someone i know was recently diagnosed with a small cancerous lump in her cervix, she has to undergo operation and chemo.. take care girl..
* I'm hungry.. i'll just go buy some croissant.. be back..
* Back now.. Let's go jellyfishing.. haha!

Closer

The other night, i realized something while i was watching "Closer".

That I am making this search really really difficult for me.

Why? Coz of this little tendency that i've had since God-knows-when.. and it had been ruining guys' lives and also mine for that matter.. It's like this:

I love guys who i know i cannot have. I tend to pursue guys that i know will never ever look my way. I love the pursuit. I crave the challenge. I long for the moment when the guy that i thought i can't have will be in my firm grasp. But then when i know that the guy's mine.. i dump them, leave them hanging and run away..

I know, i'm pretty nasty. Haven't really thought of this until after that movie, and then i put some thought unto it, then realization came, that i have been like this ever since.

Maybe it's my lack of self-esteem that is turning me into this controlling and manipulating little bitch. It had been my ego-booster for the longest time. Damn, i just did it to schmuck. Yeah schmuck you're right, it's really pretty ironic for someone who enjoys getting what she wants but hesitates at the last moment.

Come to think of it, the only relationships i had that lasted are the ones wherein the pursuit was never over. The one that lasted for like six months lasted that long because i never really had him. We are together but he was never mine. So i was always trying to have him all to myself. The last one, which is the longest and most meaningful relationship i ever was in lasted for 2 years and 5 months. I just realized that it may have lasted that long for the same reasons.. I was longing to be his first priority which i never became.

But don't get me wrong here, i loved all these guys. I still love the last one most.. but this tendency to manipulate and control is really overwhelming.

Hay.. this will really make this search very diffucult..

* * * * *

by the way, Ria dear? It never really crossed my mind that our blog titles are quite similar hehe.. don't worry, no intention of copying it in the first place, still thinking for the right synonym hehe..

Wandering around..

I woke up this morning with this realization:

The search is not over yet..

It felt bittersweet, first was the initial depression brought about by knowing that the search is taking longer than I thought... but it didn't take a while for that grin to surfaced on my face hehe..

I realized that I’m enjoying myself too much right now that it's ok to wait a while. Hehe.. I'm living life right now, doing what I want, and loving it.. Beach during weekends, sleepovers every Thursday nights, DVD marathons, ladies nights every Tuesdays, shopping after paydays, coffee and good conversations with schmuck, book hunting, more upcoming sales this coming months, my Asian tour on December, more plans of world domination.. Too many things to look forward to that finding this guy can still wait..

Plus searching for him makes this wait seem more like ages.. So I’ll just lay back, enjoy the sun and who knows, maybe that cute Scottish guy who's heading this way maybe it.. hehe..

An ode to schmuck

As promised, I’ll write about schmuck..

Schmucky is really a bad, bad person. His ego is way, way over the top. He finds satisfaction in manipulating one's mind. He really loves picking other people's brain. He's sarcastic. He’s sinister. He’s the devil’s advocate.

He always gives me headaches that not any aspirin can cure; yet it’s that type of headache that I can’t help but love having. I hate it when he’s trying to trap me into saying things I really don’t wanna say, but it’s endearing to see him enjoying himself every time I blush in embarrassment.

We share mutual manipulation. He is manipulating my mind for it to believe that it is I who is actually controlling him, not the other way around. On my part, I let him have the satisfaction of picking my brains. We actually are controlling each other hehe..

At first I thought he’s is one of those few people who were able to resist my charm, which is my tool for manipulation. Yet now I see it, he can’t. Right schmucky?

Anyways, we are each other’s ego-booster, not that I think he still needs one. It’s just funny that someone as selfless and giving as him can be so egoistic and sarcastic at the same time.

Yup! Such an endearing prick..

Is the search over? Nahhh...

The crappiness that had engulfed me yesterday has now passed. Felling better now, it turned out all I really need is to let some things off my chest, a warm bath, and a good night sleep.

By the way, I have resolved on saving my blog from eternal damnation so no more ranting, no more sad, depressing articles, that is except if it is in relation to my search for that missing force.

It's just funny how sometimes I think I’ve already found the person who'll bring that balance. But common sense sometimes gets in the way. Plus I don't think that now is the right time anyways. And I believe that I still need to do something to prove that he really is the one who'll balance the three forces.. Yet (I’m smirking right now) I sense that I’ll know the answer anyways even before trying to prove it. Yup, he'll definitely bring the balance, I’m sure. But is he the one? That I’m not sure.

I’m just glad to have found him. I’m seizing every moment I can to enjoy his company. But we have our own lives right now, each of us walking through our own different paths. Will our paths ever cross ways? We’ll leave that to fate. As schmucky always say: “if it'll happen, it'll happen.”

Crap

Shitty day! I feel like crap! I'm not really sad, nor happy for that matter.. it's just that i'm a little irritated about something i don't really know what. Weird!

Or maybe i know what it is but just can't bring myself to accept that that's the reason behind this crappiness. Anyways whatever it is, i still can't place it so its making me more irritated.

Oh here i go again, posting emotional craps. these are the types of posts that usually sends my blog to their eternal death. One of these days you'll see a post like this:

My dear blog,

It is really against my will but i have to kill you. I must put a stop to your incessant whining over petty things. You can be an instrument for other bloggers damnation so i might as well kill you. I'll be sad coz it will be like killing a part of me, but it's only through your death that i'll be saved again..

* * * * * *

Haha! I feel stupid, just a while ago i'm sitting here whining over something i don't know, now i'm laughing over what i've written. Feeling a little better now.

If only he's... oh, never mind!

My spur of the moment amnesia..

I've been trying to recall a certain book title for the last 2 days, i've read the book, IT's one of my favorite novel by Stephen King. I've seen ITs movie version, yet that night i can't really remember ITs title. IT was like dying to get out of my mouth but i can't really recall IT.

I call it "my spur of the moment amnesia". What's funny about this temporary forgetfulness of mine is that i can't really focus on other things, not until i remember what i'm trying to recall. So yeah, i'm out of my wits the whole day at work yesterday because of IT. To the point that it didn't even passed my mind to check what the title is on the net.

So last night, while i'm ironing some clothes, while i'm actually not thinking about IT for the first time, IT just hit me! I almost burned the blouse i'm ironing with the sudden recognition.. then i stand there laughing, thinking how can i forget something so simple..

The book's title: "IT"

Things i love..

(disclaimer: not in particular order)

1. isaw, no need for further explanations haha..
2. the smell of freshly-cut grass and morning dew
3. booksales
4. the scent of gudang garam and the good old memories it brings back
5. having my own room
6. one-hour baths
7. fireflies
8. beaches!
9. a good conversation
10. a single flower in a field of bushes and shrubs..(preferably yellow or orange)
11. sea otters and duck-billed platypus(es?), ain't they cute
12. paris hilton, love this bitch
13. classic novels (i.e jane eyre)
14. Stephen King novels
15. Martin Scorsese movies
16. trivias
17. getting smiles from kids i don't know
18. scent of balikbayan boxes, plastic covers, and clothes fresh from the dryer
19. unexpected messages from people i care about (either thru sms, emails, but post-its are the best!)
20. a good hearty laugh
21. reading during rainy days, while cuddled up under the covers, with a cocoa on my bedside
22. sleepovers

to be continued...(lunchbreak's over)

May the force be with you..

Nga pala, another reason why i chose "in search of the third balancing force" as my blog title, it sounds Starwars-ish! Hehe!

I can now picture Master Yoda reading this blog saying: "Balance the force, you must. To the light at the end of the tunnel, it will lead." haha! Don't you just love the way Yoda speaks..hehe..

Of past lives and before sunset..

I've watched "before sunset" a few weeks back with my friend Ria and we just loved the movie. We'll it might not appeal to all people but for us who really thrives on having good conversations, a movie like that really gets our minds working overtime.

The movie suddenly popped up my mind as last night schmuck mentioned something (i don't actually remember what anymore) that made me thought of a certain part of the movie. There was a scene while they are in a bus touring the city that they've talked about past lives. The argument was like this:

Reincarnation can be defined as rebirth of the soul in another body, or a reappearance or revitalization in another form, a new embodiment. But come to think of it, there were only few people back then compared to our numbers now. So would that mean that each of us now do not have a complete soul? That most of us have only half, thirds or quarter of the original soul we came from? Was that the reason behind having soulmates?

There can be lotsa conclusion with regards to this, and i have no authority over such matter to really expound on it anyways. So the schmuck and i ended up with the same conclusion (as always), and i believe that this might be the best conclusion anyways:

that schmucks and mine's soul originated from cockroaches. :)

Brain Overload...

My brain is really ticking so fast right now, that i need an outlet to let it all out! Behold! My new blog! Haha! (Hey schmuck, something like this might come in handy for you too..)

It's like i wanna write about so many things right now but i'm at work so can't really get down to doing it. But it might slip my mind if i do not get it into writing.. arghh!

Yeah ok some other day or maybe later after lunch time. But i need to make a mental note hehe: remember to write about before sunset, about schmuck, bout moi (of course), and yeah i can also write something bout the light at the end of the tunnel (as the schmuck aptly put it).

Now back to slavery.. My paperwork beckons me back to its grasps. My stomach's grumbling.. and i badly need my nicotine break.

My gears got tuned up last night...

Yup, I know, lots of explaining to do.. We'll deal with my blog title later.. hehe. Let me tell you first why I get back to blogging again.

I used to have blogs but I eventually deleted them all after getting tired of all the nonsense I put in. It's like me thinking that this blog can't be saved from damnation anymore that salvation can be attained only by killing it period.

Now why start a new one? As what this article title says, my gears got tuned up. Well, last night I had one of the most satisfying conversations (don't wanna use amazing as it might trigger implications). Nothing really so special about it, but it’s beautiful (like what he says). Well I know a lot of witty and profound people but it's just now that I found someone wherein we get to the same conclusions to every conversations, we tend to think the same ways on actually most issues and there was never a moment of “hey what are we gonna talk about next?”. It is like my brain was fed to the point of it getting satiated but not bloated that it still has room for desserts.

Now, you might be thinking about lotsa things now, nope nothing romantic about it (as of now, that is hehe). It just that our brains connected, period. (Well, I know someone from the past who really comes close but I still don't know how the end will be so better not compare yet). Our conversations just went on and on that he’s on his 3rd coffee and I’m on my 2nd teapot of tea when we realized that the café was closing. Now I have a new name for Café Havana! I’m now calling it my conversations haven! Haha!

Now, what's this “balancing the force” all about? I’ve been actually searching for someone new since I broke up with my ex. But the thing is I cannot find someone like him or can come close to him. Then last night, this guy just told me about the triangle concept of his and then that answers it all. It basically is like this:

He said that there should be a balance of the 3 forces for the relationship to work out. The three forces are the heart, mind and soul. What he really said was so simple yet so true that it just hit me. Well, it’s not that I have never thought of it that way, he just blurted it out clearly that the haze in my brain cleared up.

Well, in my ex’s case, there was a balance with the three. The triangle may not be a perfect triangle but one of the sides can be adjusted anyways so that despite the triangle being not perfect, it still looks good haha..

But looking back at the guys I’ve dated after my ex, I’ve realized that they didn’t worked out, not because the triangle was not balanced, but because it was never really a triangle in the first place. It was either a single line or two parallel lines. No balance or connection with that.

Ooops, haven’t really mentioned a name for this guy yet. Let’s just call him the “schmuck”, haha.